Since i dun blog, i figured borrowing an entry’s space in psycho’s well received blog is the next best thing. Recent events have driven me to share my 2 cents’ worth on things. First of all, daniel’s demise. The last time i saw him shed tears was 8 years ago, i remember vividly wishing that would be the first & last time i ever experience something like that again. More often than not in life, u rarely get wat u wish for. Fast forward to the present.
i remember it was a Friday when i received the sms from lulu. The contents were vague, but i had a hunch something was terribly wrong. True enough, all of us were activated to meet up with him 2 days later. I was 99% certain it was related to her. Only something like that would sway daniel. As the events slowly came to light, the same old bloody story again. Was it really happening everywhere or is our clique just cursed? Whatever it was, i empathized with him and offered him some limited advice. I dun blame him, god knows how long it’ll take to get used to the fact that u can’t prevent shit from happening, coz i’m still waiting. The initial blow is a bitter pill to swallow, not that the searing pain ever dies down, but over time u will get used to it. There is no substitute for that emptiness you feel inside you, and all the time you’ll be asking yourself what have you done wrong and why is it happening. Suddenly your world comes crumbling down. Its so real, yet so unreal. The fact that it happened to someone like daniel only proves one thing, you got to do wat everyone else is doing, or else the only one left suffering is yourself. U have to throw morals and righteousness out of the window and go with the flow. He just has to learn this golden rule from this unfortunate episode.
Just now, when i was waiting for my hongkong noodles with daniel & terence at the coffeeshop opposite Anderson , i suddenly realised that i was sitting on the very table i sat on close to 10 years ago! A flurry of thoughts raced through my mind. Gosh! That’s a damn decade ago i was sitting in the classroom across the road. Naturally, memories came flooding back. The school was no longer the pink building with fading signs, it was quite recently renovated and the only thing recognizable was its structure and the carpark where we had our flag raising ceremony every morning, with psycho always the last to arrive. Not to mention the amount of hair i dropped coz of hair checks. It seemed like yesterday Binghan and Teh were still popping wantons into their mouths when the auntie wasn’t looking. Kumar and Karthi sipping their fav orange melon drink at the rifle range and being called up during assembly to dance to the blue suede shoes song in front of the sch. Bookworm daniel with his super thick hair still in class discussing some maths question with yiya & weiting after school. Buaya psycho hanging out with the girls at the stone table with his new botak look and crumpled uniform. Myself in the toilet jostling with others for the space in front of the mirror to comb my centre parting. Kaizhen with her cockroach hairstyle and glasses so thick it seemed bullet-proof.
All of the sudden i felt like a 13 year old again. The feeling was pure elation. Those were the carefree days when life was simple, innocent yet at the same time unforgettable. We were sheltered from the harsh realities that adulthood would inevitably bring.
To many of us, the school holds many fond memories that i’m sure we all cherish very close to our hearts that we will never forget. Looking back, how i wish time stood still there and then. Again, life often dun give us wat we wish for. Looking at the school now only reinforced a single point. The only constant in life is change.
Look at how all of us have grown. We’ve come to the point where we take different paths in life. Clique dinners have been few and far between. Slowly but surely, there will be less time to meet up and do stuff together. As we become adults, naturally there are burdens we have to shoulder. Some of us are gonna enter the workforce soon, some are gonna get married within the next few years and some are gonna further their studies. I hope those who are gonna work realise one thing. U are gonna embark on a 40 year long journey that is not gonna permit you to go on holiday as and when you like. Sitting in an office from 8 to 5 and only having weekends to take a breather is gonna be your routine for half of your life. Use your free time wisely to build and maintain relationships. For those who are gonna further your studies pls do so without quitting halfway and returning back to square one. Before you know it, u hit 30 with nothing to fall back on. If u still dunno the importance of it, i dunno if u ever will.
Watever you decide to do next, always ask yourself one thing. Is this wat i really want in life? Or am i doing this because everyone says its the right thing to do? Or is it because everyone is doing it therefore i must follow? If that is your mentality now, i suggest doing a thorough soul search. Friends are there to offer advice, but ultimately you are the one who needs to listen to your heart and follow wat it tells u. Earning millions in the future doesn’t constitute success. Following your dreams does. Some ppl are contented with sitting behind a desk doing the same no brainer thing over and over again for the rest of their lives, with money compensating for that overtime or burnt weekends. There is nothing wrong with that, the world can’t do without such ppl, but i for one wouldn’t take up such an offer, not even for a billion. I cherish my free time too much and i dun really fancy doing somethin that a robot does. Spending my life away behind a desk is too stifling. When u reach 60, you got to be able to look back at your life and say you lived it chasing your dreams, not some empty shell. Be a rich ass with no life or a poor dream chaser with an abundance of experience along the way which can’t be exchanged with all the wealth in the world. Choose wisely. It’ll determine the rest of your life.
Watever path u decide to take, one thing is for certain, there will always be trials and tribulations, obstacles laden along the way which you can’t overcome alone. U can’t remove a boulder in front of you without help. There is when friends and family plays an important role, giving us strength. They’ll always be there for one another when we need someone to turn to, lend a listening or support when we fall. These are the people whom relationships u need to build and maintain. I’m blessed to have such people in my life, and they take precedence over many things.
To lulu, and i speak on behalf of the rest of the less articulate guys, stay strong, u still have us. U deserve so much better and we’re so sorry it happened. Hope the taiwan trip takes your mind off things, although i hoped more people could’ve come. Look forward to our hot spring with KIP HUIPS!!
you’ll never walk alone,
alvin
ps: just tio psycho’s kangtao, why in the world did he delete his blog. But then again i decided to create a clique blog where all members have access to it and are free to add entries to it. Here comes Qi Ming Dang to take the blogging world by storm! I expect 500 hits a day.
