Long Time Coming

Hi Guys,

It's been a long time since I've written here. I've watched the revival of this place with some interest, and of course it is not lost on me that I am one of the 'missing ones' when it comes to non-attendance at meet-up's. Of course, I still meet up with some of you, like OL and Lulu. Why are things this way? I have my reasons, and in fact, being busy is my least important reason.

I'll like to start off by saying that you guys are the oldest friends I have. I don't keep in contact with too many people in my life, and it's a miracle that we are still in contact (however infrequent our meet-up's). And as for my more regular meet-ups with OL and Lulu, these are not intended as slights to the rest of you. It just very simply boils down to two factors: (1) OL is basically the best friend I have, and he understands me a lot better than anyone else I know. (2) Lulu is also a very old friend, someone who's company I have enjoyed since I met him in 1997. I'm sorry to say that I have not had the opportunity to know the rest of you as well as these two 'old guards', since I joined the group much later.

I guess I am not going to sugarcoat things too. Of late (and this is something I've discussed at length with OL, because he knows you guys closer than I do), I have found myself growing apart from everybody else. Our interests, activities, conversation topics have grown different over the years. And I must admit, there have been times when I have found comments from some of you rather chafing and sometimes, offensive. I don't think it is in anyone's intention at all.

At the heart of it, I feel that many of us have grown fixated with the materialistic aspects of life. Money, job prospects, benefits, etc. There is nothing wrong with trying to improve your lot in life, but it becomes grating when everything becomes a question of money or prospects. It leaves me a bit cold when discussions inevitably turn this way. And its even worse when discussions are basically all centered on these issues.

Then there are the comments related my career choice as well, having chosen the route of the academic. To be very blunt, I have gotten annoyed over the years with all the jokes about me pursuing a PhD. Whenever I mention any work stress I'm facing, the response I get varies from "quit loh" or "tell your Prof to do it himself loh". This is not very empathetic. Perhaps more importantly, I chose this career path not for the money, but because I saw it to be a calling, to teach future generations and also to contribute to our country's policy directions. If you have read all the articles I have published in newspapers and journals over the years, you will find that all I care about is for Singapore to survive amidst some very precarious regional politics. In short, I have found all the teasing and jokes to be rather insensitive, and it devalues the passion and reasons behind my choice of career. It could just be me, but there is the sense that sometimes the jokes and di-siaoing take on the persona of a thinly-veiled personal attack.

And of course, I do sometimes find the whole lap-sap discourse very offensive. Many instances of this. For example, when I mention going to HK with my dad, there're the jokes about going to lapsap bars and such. My dad is a strict Confucianist, and I am a Liberal of the old school (JS Mill anyone?) I find it offensive because it goes against my Confucian upbringing, and my personal beliefs on the subjection of women. Also, I remember being at Awfully Chocolate, and some of us causing a bit of a ruckus and embarrassment with the waitress, bringing up a lot of lapsap terms. This leaves me cold again, because I feel that this is not who I am. When I interact with my colleages and friends, whether from grad school or the research centres where I am attached to, I become a different person. And this different person feels more comfortable to me. It brings on so much internal confusion, which I don't want to deal with. Because I am afraid that when push comes to shove, I will decide who I want to be and then there will be difficult choices to make.

Of course, not all is bad. There have been good moments. OL has given me a lot of support and he has always been a good sounding board for me to bounce my publication ideas off. Ah Du has also given me support and motivation in his own way, having himself understood the value of hard work. And of course, there have been good times of di-siaoing. There have been many happy moments I've shared with you guys. Which is why I'm here, writing this. Because I don't want us to give all this up, but I don't want to compromise on my personal beliefs too. These are things I've acquired through sweat and tears over the years. OL understands this perhaps, but I have changed a lot over the years, and I have slogged my ass off for these changes, whether in terms of intellectual development, confidence in myself, physical achievements, etc. And I believe this growing up, as it is, is a process all of us has to go through. Also, there has to be more engagement and empathy with each other.

Lastly of course, I have been extremely busy, with work and with publications. Most of the things I do require intensive field research followed by solitary writing. This life I've chosen has not been easy at all, but it has been rewarding. There may be one thing I have never told you guys. I grew up wanting to be a writer. I told this to Miss Thoo during Oral exam in Sec 1, to my Primary 6 teacher who taught me my basic writing skills (I still contact her), and I told this to myself everyday. And hence the reason for my distance and disappearance. I have found a publisher, and I am writing my first book. This may take a year, 2 years, or 5 years. Who knows? And this is on top of my regular writings for newspapers and my doctoral thesis (which thankfully, should be done by this year's end).

So please accept my apologies for going off the radar, because it is so important that I get this done. And please also accept my apologies for all the harsh words I have said here. There are issues that have made me deeply unhappy over the years, and I guess it's probably much better that I let it out, rather than just disappearing for good, as I have done with other friends whom I no longer get along with. And of course, perhaps I have changed a lot over the past few years. I hope that you all will still be interested in knowing this changed version of me.

Your friend,
AH

Thoughts

I'm going through a busy, slightly rough time of wedding planning, renovation, and making enough money to support my upcoming family. I'm appreciative of the ready responses of help and advice whenever I seek them and that means a lot, knowing that there is a bunch of friends ready to give their support in times of need.

Due to the the disparity in working hours and sometimes unstable schedule due to tuition and running errands, it is sometimes hard for me to meet up for gatherings but whenever I'm free, I will make it a point to ask if there were any plans or I will suggest plans. I'm disappointed to find that most of the time, there will be no or limited replies and then find out later that there were plans after all of which I'm not aware of. I'm perfectly fine with not being invited but maybe it will be nice to inform that there were already plans.

Well. That's all. Remember to keep 23/11/2013 free!

We are Superman!

Hi all,

Its amazing how time have passed and almost all of us are reaching the big 30 soon.

Reading some of the previous posts I did, I guess I have really grown up A LOT (esp since I am 24 years old...).

I like to list down some amazing feats Laosipkong (this blog) has achieved over these years since 2006:

1. We had 7616 pageviews .
2. We had 283 posts.
3. Typing "Laosipkong" in Google Search - the results are mainly our blog and posts!
4. During my uni days, my SMU schoolmate, who knew none of you, was also reading the blog. Amazing!
5. On 5 Aug 2013, we had 103 pageviews - Apparently everyone is more interested in "Da Por Kia Ji Ku Wei" post than "A Revival 7 Years too Long" post (which gathered 85 pageviews since it was first posted). 

Loosely translated - "Da Por Kia Ji Ku Wei" is "As a man, I will keep my word"

Anyway, as the blogs grows since 2006, I kinda realise how our bond within the clique weakens. Is this blog our kryptonite?

I do understand I am one of the culprit and I do understand some things/changes are unavoidable.

Goals and priorities changes as we grow up, start family, work and become successful. No longer are we really able to be like how we used to be - Tisiao till the morning wee hours.

But I do say I am glad that when "activated" we will still come together - Just like Superman.

As a member of the clique, the next big BIG BIG event is Teh's wedding - I am sure all of us will gather then again and have fun.

I still look forward till the day when we bring our children out together and our children become embarrassed of our behaviors. Haha...

Hi Alonso

Thanks for keeping this blog alive. I have added the sharing buttons that your requested.

At least the skills I learnt from creating my blogshop has not gone to waste!

Regards,
Blackburn

A Revival 7 Years too long

When I started this blog on 29 June 2006, 7 years ago, I expected it to be a lively, happening platform where there will be weekly updates, where ppl share their views, grievances, happiness, sorrows etc.

7 yrs on, I am still the one trying to keep this going, with the first entry since more than a year ago.

Yes, I’m bloody disappointed.

But I’m also bloody glad I started it. If not, some of the memories will forever be erased and never documented.

In the spirit of why I started this in the first place, I will air all my opinions, controversial or not, to garner more comments, entries etc.

Disclaimer first, the opinions I state is purely mine alone, and they are by no means correct. No one is. I am merely voicing my thoughts, imperfect or otherwise. Positive/negative comments are more welcome, you know by now I can take both the good and bad, no worries at all.

In about 5 months, I will be 30 yrs old. Most of us will be. I will skip the grow old recital for the next entry. If you read my very first blog entry again, you will realise I kept emphasising that meetups will be few and far between. 

7 years on, I did not expect it to be so few and so far between.

To address my stand on meetups again, I really hate going town on weekends unless super necessary. Supper on weekends I steady. Jio me for dinner, movie or supper any weekday and I am more than happy to join if I’m free. Again, I stress that having to work the next day is totally not an issue for me. What is an issue for me is letting this golden period of life pass me by and realise when I’m 50 that I should have met up more with my friends instead of going home straight after work because ‘I have to work the next day’. That, to me, is a total failure on multiple levels. Living for weekends is such indignance, I can’t even use words to adequately express this. 

Yes, I totally agree that everyone has their own set of priorities in life. However, choosing sleep over meetups is still something I am painfully trying to learn to accept with little success (I don’t think I ever will in this lifetime).  I don’t know bout you guys, but I look forward to every supper, H2H, dinner, lah liang sessions after soccer because I know that that is when I will have the most laughter and tisiao moments that week. That is the best stress-reliever one can ever wish for. In my opinion, that is the essence of GMH. No one can ever replicate that, even if they try. That is what makes us special. Sadly, such moments have been fewer with time, and attendance has been poor for reasons I shudder to even think about.

Back to choosing to live rather than get sucked into senseless rat race.

On a personal level, the moment I realised this during my army days, I promised myself to keep to this mantra. Nearly 8 yrs on, I’m damn glad I made the choices I made.

Since I made that decision, the people I met, the places I’ve been to, the experiences I had, the memories will stick with me till my dying days. I’m darn certain had I chosen the ‘safe’ option, none of these things will have happened.

Hence, you heard it first (exclusive to GMH members), next year you can expect something major happening in my life again. I have experienced the corporate life for more than 2 years now, it is exactly what I envisioned. You work hard, you get promoted, you get a pay raise, then what? I’m beginning to slip into a comfort zone, and that, to be brutally honest, is damn bloody scary. It is a recipe for death by monotony, which to me, equates to physical death.

When I started out, I set myself a challenge and am proud to announce that I have achieved what I expected myself to accomplish, and more. Absolutely zero regrets, even with the mistakes I made along the way.

On a side note, I have always enjoyed weddings. When Amanda got married I was elated for her. Now, she is a proud mum! Many weddings are going to take place next year, I am really looking forward to them. I consider it pure bliss for 2 people to find each other, fall in love, and make a vow to spend the rest of their lives together. It is always an emotional moment for me to see the photo montage at the beginning and know that I helped shaped the person who is on stage, however small role I might have played in his life. Hence, I promise I will attend all your weddings. It is something I will not miss for the world.

In conclusion, I have much more things to write about which can easily surpass 100 pages, but I don’t want to pour out my soul on this first entry after so long. I sincerely hope many of you will post stuff as well. This entry is merely meant to be a test to gauge the level of response. When it picks up, I will talk about deeper stuff.

Meantime, I await your responses while we mull over one of my favourite life quotes of all time from The Dalai Lama.

You’ll Never Walk Alone,

Alonso

(I’m going to donate blood again soon, will call u guys along. Steady.)