Viva La Revol-ve-ution!

You know Singapore is a damn small country when you get deja vu frequently.

First was watching movies. For some reason, walking down the row of cinemas, each with their digital displays announcing the title of the movie, reminds me of a dream I've had before. Then again, like any theatre of war, cinemas today vary only in the differing brands of sex and violence they are serving.

Second time was my lecture at rsis. I kept getting this strange feeling I've seen these people before, been in that lecture before, and studied the same stuff before. However, there may be a logical explanation for this. Any graduate of the social sciences will tell you that a lecture on research methods is bound to bring on deja vu.

I remember a scene in the matrix. The one with the black cat, and with keanu reeves muttering 'deja vu' (whoa, stoic as ever). An omen of change to come? I don't believe in omens. The simulacrum? Maybe. A copy of a copy may just become truth and reality. Where am I going with this? I don't know. They say hell is repetition. I think repetition is hell. All I know is that 'everyday is exactly the same' and it is the conflict from the breaking of the cycle that change begins.

Then again, this could all just be the result of 1000 pages of readings a week and that constant ghost of a nagging at the back of my head, telling me to frigging get my act (and dissertation topic) together. Ever poked a scab and felt good everytime you felt that little numbing pain? Now blow that up a thousand folds and welcome to my world. I love what I'm doing, but it is accompanied by the numbing sort of fatigue at the end of each day. Reading the papers in the morning is a whole new sensation now.

I don't know how this got started, but I know exactly how it will end.

Ang Heng