A conversation I had.

A conversation I had on MSN with my friend. It summarised the problems I have now and the frustration I face.

Note: Since this is a MSN conversation, it is really full of BAD ENGLISH. So if you are really hooked by the recent English we have going on in the blog. Please stop reading now.

“Blackburn aka Terence says:
family problem + work problem + Her = frustration
which one u wanna hear?

Friend Says:
whichever is bothering u most

Blackburn aka Terence says:
it is family actually
u see... i am like the guy in the house now. I am much more patient than both my sisters
but nowadays my parents and my sister keep quarreling
then i am always stuck in the middle
its hard for me
then i understand my parents are old and tired
so i kept thinking if i should help them in their business
should i just quit and help them...
it makes me feel like I am not doing the right thing when they are so busy and i am not helping them.
like i am a bad son
........that the end of the family problem

as for work... I feel torn too... cos i work with 2 seniors. A and B. A is the one that taught me at the start, but due to her position, she is not free or around most of her time. So I end up looking for B when i have problems. So every time, i feel torn between them when they do things differently. A is more strict. B is more relax
I try my best to follow A. But working as a team, I'll need B help too. Thus, it end up a bit political.
Really sucks. But I guess for this, i must really learn to cope with these issues

Friend Says:
yaa i guess it is unavoidable in the working world

Blackburn aka Terence says:
I believe i can handle it and become a better person
at least in the working world.
as for her....
i just feel that it is coming back
actually it was fine all along, as in we will go lunch in groups and stuff
and at those time, i know i like her but i really try to make it friendly
but then there was once when I have lunch alone with her.
IT WAS REALLY GOOD.
The problem of like having no topic is like gone, the problem of us having no chemistry does not seem to be true
I really felt happy
and as u know, we volunteered in the same group that day
after that day, i know I am getting the feeling back
but i tried to hide it
after the lunch, it seem impossible.
then even today, we have a bowling competition by our employer. Randomly we were chosen in the same team.
All in all, it was too good. too fun. too happy. And the feeling just HAD to be there.
and then i started to get worry to get scared. worry and scared of what is not even happening
I worry that if we get together, we may break up
i worry that if i ask her out, and she reject me, I may never dare to ask her again
i scared of what is not happening
or what could happen if all the "what if" happens. But I really feel like asking her out
but going forward, i realise the problem with me is that I am worried abt the "what if" in relationship. That is y i pressure myself to find the ONE and not anyone else.
and that is y I always end up giving up something that is almost there
hor that all the "almost there" is not successful.”

That is the end of the summary in an edited weird MSN format.

Life is never smooth sailing, try to think on bright side. - An advice from me to myself

Blackburn