Dear Alvin, I think you were right all along. It feels as if it is time for me to pack up and ship off to somewhere new for a while. Hopefully, to a place where I can be accepted as who I am and not who I am supposed to be. I've made my formal application to UWA today, to do my PHD. I'm working on proposals to Sydney, Melbourne and ANU. I'll need your help with looking for accomodations and advice on living in Australia soon, thanks in advance!
On a separate note, I've taken so much flak for the things I do in my personal life and I think I've had about enough.
My decision to do my Masters has on numerous occasion come under ridicule and denouncement. Truth be told, if someone is willing to hire me to think, research and publish, I'd have thrown all qualifications away and gone to become the writer I've so wanted to be for so long. Sadly, a PHD is an entry qualification for a life as a academic writer and thinker. While being a Masters student does come with many bragging rights, it is also the lowest place to be, academically. I find myself halfway between the stars and the gutter, and everyday is a battle not to fall back into that gutter.
Even simple things like buying a lap-top skin provokes such antagony. How I spend my money is nobody's business but my own. Honestly. If I want to coat my laptop with polytetrafluoroethylene and fry eggs on it in the mid-day sun, then its really my own problem. Giving me grief over such mundane things is seriously a waste of my neural synapses.
Calling me a rich man's son is nothing but a sign of ignorance on my upbringing and background. I was born in a one-room rented flat and lived 16 years in a 4-room flat before moving on to a condo and subsequently a house. I watched my father rise from a factory shop-floor supervisor to GM. I have high expectations to live up to and sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to make it, to become someone special and worthy of everything I've been given so far.
Blessed are the shallow, for depth they'll never find. I can no longer be the sort of simpleton who lives for himself and cares only about things like drinking and clubbing anymore. I owe a debt to the society that has given me time, money and opportunity to pursue my studies. I intend to pay it back.
Ang Heng
9 comments:
Angheng oh, whack back on the Masters and laptop skin jokes oh, lihai! Just joking la mai ani hahaha.
"To be yourself is all that you can do" - Audioslave
You are already very lucky compared to most of us that you are blessed with opportunities (financially-wise at least) to pursue your dreams.
I truely admire your father's achievements.
I'm on a paid scholarship for my Masters and I'm seeking funding for my PHD. Even though I've got a tuition fee waiver, I still need to find funding for living expenses.
It will never be an option for me to put additional burdens on my family for my postgraduate studies.
I admire his achievements too. Which is why I must go higher because growing up in an hdb flat is still a luxury compared to growing up in a kampung.
I need to take his achievements and map it onto my own life, so I can achieve the same amount (on a real basis, not a nominal basis). Starting from a better place just means I must go higher than everybody else to justify what I have.
Ang Heng
Must call your Dad out for the next supper session liao.
And who is anonymous, Psycho ah? I know it sure as hell ain't Mendi.
Cannot be Mendi, too many big words hahahaha
AH
Nah~ It wasn't me but I do share the same sentiments. I think ur father's tale of rags to riches is really something to be proud of and if possible, follow. I'm graduating in a few weeks time and hell! would I love to do my degree overseas but I seriously hav too many liabilities already to even think about adding on to them. Hai~ Well... I haven't given up hope though. If I couldn't study abroad, then I would work overseas in the future. I suppose ur situation (financially) isn't as dire so just go and do what you want. Apart from Alvin and Kumar, you also have my support, albeit morally and spiritually. Truth be told, I have always found you to be special so pls dun think otherwise of urself coz I am not someone easily impressed. I reckon many of the clique members share my view as well. Oh, most importantly, even if you are away, pls post entries regurlarly for ur avid reader here. I'm not saying the vietnam gals at my workplace are dumbasses but in order to communicate with them, I've to stoop to their level at least in terms of spoken and written english. Digesting your entries is the least I could do to keep my command of english in equilibrium. Any form of deterioration would probably make u guys mistake my comments for mendi's. Lol!!!!!!! Mendi, kong qiu la. On another note, drinking and clubbing are very very important aspects of life k. They're forms of de-stressing.
Psycho
To add on, i think Sex is very much de-stressing and is scientifically proven too! haha
hahaha I like your add-on! ya, clubbing and drinking are important, but so are a whole bunch of stuff like personal growth and development. (and sex)
I've managed to save up some money over the past 5 years and I've calculated that it can last me 2 years in Australia, so that's the worst case scenario. I only need to stay 1.5 years before coming back to Singapore for field research.
Thanks a lot Psycho, support from friends means a lot to me! I have some goals I've set for myself and its not easy to achieve them at all! You have a lot of potential, what you need is opportunity and focus.
No matter what degree you do, its more important that you work hard and prove yourself. Doing well is a better measure of your potential than the brand of your degree. People will appreciate your achievements, I'm proof of that!
AH
wah so many replies ah.
I quote one of my sg fren here, lack of money is an easy excuse. he has one of the worst financial situations ever and lives happily on less than AUD$3 a day. anyone can take up a study loan and repay when u enter the workforce (its the darn exact same thing when u borrow from ur parents whom u are gonna repay anyway).
i agree with him. the experience is more than anything money can buy.
Anyway Ang Heng email or msg me, I dont check here often. Apart from Sydney, i have frens at all the Unis u mentioned. Even if u do end up in Sydney i'm sure i'll be able to pull some strings and hook u up with someone.
Msg me and we'll take it from there. I'll teach you how to mow the lawn and grow Spider Lillies in your backyard.
alonso
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