Annual Christmas Celebration at AH's

Garlic Bread King!

Silver Bells...

The holiday seasons are turning out to be a period of intense introspection for me. So much change is going on within me, I can sense and I know I can (will) not stop it. Maybe its the Christmas lights, or the December cold. It always brings out the most human aspects of me. This post will be deliberately vague. For those who understand what I'm talking about, then its probably meant for you. For those who don't understand some bits here and there, serves you right for not coming out last night for Tron and supper! ;)

In a couple of months' time, I turn 27. While I've always believed I wanted to be the best I can be, in every aspect of my professional life, a new possibility has opened to me. I have become tired of chasing material rewards, becoming a bratty ingrate.

I know, I was born in a harsh system of intense competition, meant to bring out the best in the 3 odd million souls in existence. I screwed up before, and I know what it feels like to have doors slammed shut in my face. But fortune always favors the brave. You know, I cannot begin to tell you how many doors I've had to knock on, how many pleas I had to make, how many favors I had to use up, how many humiliating moments I had to endure. All to no avail.

But eventually, the system took me back in, gave me a shot at something far greater than what I could have been on my own. This was my decision last week: I want to make sure this system survives. I want to be there if this system needs my expertise. I want this to be a pledge I can honor.

The past 2 years have also seen me recover completely from an emotional trauma, and allowed a great intellectual transformation to take place within me. However, the pursuit of intellectual enlightenment is an isolating, lonely process. To look greatness in the eye and profess to want it more than anything else in the world, is as good as selling your soul and jeopardizing your emotional well-being.

But this week, by sheer chance, I've been receiving some measure of warmth, affection and constant companionship (albeit from a distance) in my usually cold existence. (doesn't mean I haven't been happy with my cold existence btw. I've always been a solitary person) From an intellectual equal, no less. Alas, I myself am a work in progress. A wannabe until I prove my achievements. How can I possibly share the parts of my life that are in a constant mess, and rife with conflict? How can I possibly hide that either?

You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't.

The again, can a man of science, knowledge and philosophy possibly be any more damned than he already is?

AH

Xiao Long Baos!

14 'longs' of Xiao Long Baos later...

Overtly Covert

Today is the second day of the G20 summit. Singapore sits at the inner table because we represent the Global Governance Group (3G). This is a group that we had set up to represent nations who were excluded from the G20.

Why am I posting this? Because I have a point to make.

What we have here is an example of brains over brawn. This is how a small nation can trump larger and richer nations to take the the role of leader. (or maybe nobody else wanted to lead, who knows?)

Power truly comes from being able to get people to listen to you, and take your opinions seriously. It's all about doing the things that no one else is willing or able to do.

AH

Letters from the fringes

I have just been reminded by Psycho that I haven't written here for very long, which is true. By some fluke, I've managed to get myself started prematurely on persuing my doctoral dreams and so begins my journey into the fringe and the void. (more than 3 months in, I'm starting to get the twilight zone feeling on increasing occasions during the week)

Almost like persuing any dreams at all, graduate studies are intense and isolating. (Psycho, please take note for future reference) You spend days holed up either in your cubicle at the office or at your study desk at home, reading piles of papers and writing pages of work yourself. You spend Friday and Saturday nights writing because you just spent all week (in its entirety, I'm not joking) doing research. All the people you interact with on a daily basis are either geeks, weirdos, or really important people who can't be bothered to speak more than a sentence to you.

I can't say I'm complaining, because frankly I enjoy the quiet time and the sense of fulfilment when I look at the product of my hard work each night. I feel terrible when I realise I haven't achieved anything on any particular day.

Then there are the endless hours of data-crunching.

I remember doing Econometrics as an undergraduate some years back, I hated it and vowed never to have anything more to do with it upon graduation. (being the hardcore Keynesian economist that I was) I run regressions every week now, using data I collected from databases and government statistical boards. So it is, that we must do the things we dislike early so that we can do the things we love later. We also do the things we dislike early so that someday we can learn to do things that make a difference to others.

Unabashedly, I always tell people that I want to contribute to knowledge and process, whether in the academia or policy circles. Who doesn't want to have an impact on the world they're born in? Life is not a game, there's no reset button. They may be an afterlife, or there may not be. I'm not taking any chances. We all learn to work hard today, because tomorrow may simply be one day less for us to make a difference to this world. As an academic, I face a countdown timer. I now have 34 years left to produce the most important piece of work in my life-time, one that will define who I am and what I represent.

34 years is surely sufficient to churn out many papers and many books, but it's not a lot of time to write a magnus opus.

AH

Misunderstanding...

Hi,

I have heard some misunderstanding and confusion that my blogshop, The Nicey Shop, is selling 2nd hand clothes.

I will like to clarify that what I sold on The Nicey Shop are all 1ST HAND CLOTHES. The 2nd hand clothes are sold at another website called Clothes X Change.

Thus, please do not continue to spread the message that I am using The Nicey Shop to sell 2nd hand clothes.

The effect will be very desvastating to us as we are a new blogshop in this competitive environment. This will really hurt our reputation and moving forward, may cause us to close down The Nicey Shop.

Therefore, I urge you to continue to visit The Nicey Shop (www.theniceyshop.blogspot.com) and also recommend it to your friends, even if its just 1 friend, I will be happy enough.

One more person knowing it equals to one more chance of having one more customer.

Please continue to show your support. Really appreciate.

Thanks.

Regards,
Blackburn

Like this..

Who needs mani the parrot or paul the octopus.. when we have mendi the tao!!

Can't wait for Christmas 2010!!

hahahahahah!! chanced upon this video when I was using my camcorder.

It seemed fitting to post this after the previous entry... =)

Please visit The Nicey Shop...

Hi people,

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything on this blog. How time flies.

I do understand that I have been missing on the GMH gatherings since don’t know when… But like I always say, I am busy.

Working has been hectic. Trying to shine in an “unshinable” place is a very hard thing to do. On top of your regular work, you will have to keep suggesting improvements and projects. But so far, things seem to be turning around. Just hope for my bonus (If there is any) to be BIG BIG.

And there is my dream. Many of you knew I always wanted my own business. Thus, when I graduated, I keep finding opportunities to do something.

Then I met her, my GF. She is a shopper. Always shopping for clothes. Almost 70% of the time, we are shopping.

Haha… then something struck me. I realise that not only GF shop for clothes. ALL LADIES DOES SHOP FOR CLOTHES. Whatever that is on the shelf, there will definitely be someone buying it.

So I started collecting 2nd Clothes. That time was around Chinese New Year and people were throwing their clothes away. So I decided to take them and sell it in a flea market.

It was a simple plan. But being sceptical about my own abilities in selling clothes, I ask Amendi to join forces with me. To keep the long story short, we (GF, Me, Amendi, Amendi’s friend) made it well.

(I like to take this time to thank Amendi and her friend who came to help as well. Hope you ladies have a good experience as well. I also like to thank those who have given me their old clothing! Really appreciate.)

Anyway after that, GF and I decided to do it on our own. We did a few more times of flea market and it was slightly rewarding, but I realise there is a limit as to what I can sell/do at a flea market.

Then GF introduced online shopping to me. It was a whole new world to me, something which I always do not really bother about/as well as being sceptical about. After knowing this world inside out, I decided to embrace the possibility of having my own blogshop!

So long story short again. After many months of effort, I currently have a blogshop online.

Its name is “The Nicey Shop” and the link is http://www.theniceyshop.blogspot.com/

Currently the products are not up yet as the first launch is this Sunday (5th Sep) at 3pm. But preview of the launch is already up in our facebook.

This being the first collection, I really do hope for success. But with only GF and I, I think it will be pretty hard to shine in this saturated online blogshop market. Thus, I will really need your help. Guys, please help me advertise to your friends. Girls, please buy from me and also advertise for me.

Help me realise my dream and make it into a successful reality!

Once again, I thank those that are going to help me. I really appreciate. No matter what happens in the future, you will be remembered.

Before I end, I also like to thank my GF. She has also been putting in a lot of time and effort to be on this journey with me. Thank a lot! This blogshop will never be a reality if not for you. My dream will always be a dream if not for you. Thank you.

So please visit http://www.theniceyshop.blogspot.com/ on 5th Sep 2010 at 3pm!

Thank you and have fun!

Regards,
Blackburn aka TT aka Terence

CAMBODIA!

Many of you know I travel to Cambodia yearly (except for the one yr I tio kangtao lost my passport in vietnam and got deported back to Singapore) to visit my friends there and run some errands. The country has a special place in my heart - from the connectedness I have with the families at the village (who are all grown up now), the unfortunate history of genocide, the Khmer language which is like music to my ears, to the iced coffee and beef noodle stalls at the Russian Market. This time, I had the company of Teh and his 2 zany friends. We spent some time at the village (Teh exclaimed it was worse than in army!?!?!) and made some jasmine sticks (see pic below) in return for our accommodation. Teh claimed to have made the most perfect piece of jasmine stick for a**l.

Simple fare at the village.

My friend, R and the jasmine sticks! not easy ok!

Breakkie at BB World while waiting for Teh and his friends to arrive at PP.

Meat Meat and more Meat!

Newly refurbished Central Market at the background

Teh, obviously very happy with his breakfast at our very lovely hotel in the city.

Poolside breakfast!!

the inviting swimming pool

Bodia Spa

pampered myself on the last day when I was alone

(Teh and friends went on to Siem Reap)

I want this water feature in my future home!

This is the story of a USD 4.50 meal.

I gave USD 20 and walked away without getting the change. The next morning I went back, it was not opened for business yet, and I had to catch the plane back.

fml.

*amendi*

Back from Limbo

Dearest Gentlemen and Women,

To be brutally honest, at times these 2 months flew by in a flash while other times it was painfully slow. Let’s begin with the latter.

The world class transport system has made the straightforward trip from my house to the central seem longer than from here to Brisbane. The auntie breathing down my neck certainly did not make the trip more comfortable nor justify my 80 cents fare. On hindsight, maybe it would have been more expensive without her, thus I must count my blessings. Just when I thought I could breathe easier, I walked to take the train and realised if there was ever a canned human sardine tin, this must be it. Then I looked at the time. 1120 am. If that was “non-peak” hour, then peak hour must resemble “War of the Worlds”.

Time flies when I’m playing soccer at St Wilfrid, or bowling, or watching the World Cup, or at the ktv, or certain la liang sessions where many of you have to work the next day. Time flies when you are having fun, and speeds up faster when ppl are rushing home for work the next day. Hahaha..

I would personally like to thank all of you guys. I probably learnt more in these 2 months than I ever did in the previous 10 plus years I’ve spent with you guys. Inadvertently or otherwise, you have taught me the type of life I wanna live and strive for upon graduation. If I had any doubts, these 2 months have overwhelmingly cleared them.

Here is a list of ppl I wanna thank in alphabetical order (not in order of importance or significance):

Amanda: Thanks for taking the effort to meet me for ktv and fish and co. I enjoyed myself immensely that day and much appreciate the fact that you stayed till 2am despite having to work the next day. But come to think of it, dunno is it because of the ktv or me hor? Hahaha. No matter what, that was the first time we sang together and I had an awesome time. Thanks for the well wishes! Continue to rock in your noble job, you have my admiration and respect!

Ang Heng: Changi Village was a real eye-opener. Bowling was an eye-gorger. Thanks a million for the effort to meet up for supper despite your heavy schedule. I loved your stories that day (which I can’t type here). Hahaha. Send my regards to Huiwen and lang lang. Hope the next time I’m back I get a chance to address you as ‘Doc’. “C” with blood. Out. Wonder why you never bowled that day..Hmm…

Ah Du: Bladder!~ thanks for your haircut at St Wilfrid Toilet!~ although a bit gay, it is the most unforgettable haircut experience of my life! When u become famous, I can tell ppl you cut my hair with your $500 scissors in a public toilet! Hahah..All the best in your new saloon and I’m sure you will go far in this job!~ God bless!~

Benny Tan: Prince of Persia and Despicable Me. Thanks for the Balestier supper and taking the special effort to borrow the car. I know you went out of ur way coz of me. Thank u bro ben, thus, I forgive you for the Sunday church aeroplanes. But you need to ask someone higher up for forgiveness. Really lookin forward to the day when I open my msn and receive a msg “I went to church today” from “Bro ben”.

Bing Han: Thanks a trillion for organising the gathering with Joanne and Co! I loved the $10 fish and chips leh!~Like I said, I had an awesome time at ktv!~ when sing andy lau together again? Brings back sec sch memories leh..Haha.. I like your Show Luo and Ku Ju Ji spamming. Tapai tisiao la. Smoke less la, the next time I’m back instead of chest pains I hope u complain of muscle aches coz of gym training. Haha. Take care and have fun with ur Viet kip!!~

Edward: Edward kor kor!! Thanks for making the effort down just now to eat at Romas. With your steadip hairstyle, I’m sure you’ll find a suitable job soon la, dun worry! The very most come Aus work Subway with mandy lo. He planned liao. I enjoyed watching the match at ur house downstairs leh, mai tisiao, 2014 go again. Miss the Mj times and dan kiu. Come find me soon, I’ll bring u to Pok Sah!~SEM LONG PEK QUAM JI!~

Teh: When Arnold’s chicken and Zhu Jiang again?!~ mai sian about your all boys sch. After 5 wks back to kip haven liao. Have fun in Cambodia!~Really hope that you will return to church soon and regain your faith. I’m sure you know that Backsliding is spiritually dangerous. I’ll keep u in prayer.! Hope you find a steadip gf soon!~ Take care and stay HWEAT!~

Maw: eh bo la!~

Joanne: Dunno if you even know of this blog’s existence haha.. But just wanna thank you for making the effort to meet up after work. Even more touching is you staying from KTV till the wee hours even though I could tell you were super tired. I think BH kept u awake right? Haha.. thanks a million I really appreciate it!~ U missed my andy lau leh. How? All the best in your secret job hunting and see u at Yui’s concert in Japan someday. Haha..

Long-Ge’s fren: Wo gen ni jiang ah!~ thanks for lessening the pain of my WC losses. I treated it as though I was paying for your match analysis. See you in 2014. I will be back by hook or by crook just to listen to u.

Psycho: Thanks for your Maggi Goreng treat!~ haha.. all the best with Thigh. Study hard in SIM and get on the dean’s list hor!~ you can do it!~ Cut the wo eh bo eh distractions and put in your best effort, after all this is your last academic pursue. Why not go all out?we all know you are more than capable of excelling if you put ur mind to it. graduate liao, Masters in Aus lor! On Scholarship then can stay with me tisiao together. Haha.. Take care and smoke less and train fit fit again!~I miss ur bowling niam niam already.

OL: (refer to 300 video). Boh la kong qiu. I noe u are stressing at the crossroads (insert boyband song), but watever decision u make I’m sure you will be fine. Hope u organise another end of the year Aus trip with your bonus. This time I’ll be there (unless my sis decides to give birth again). Zong ji mi ma. Loser lappy dance while driving. Thanks for your 2x beef skillet which I haven’t gotten yet. Stay cool, stay funny, stay tall, stay black.

Talen: Really appreciate you making the special effort to organise soccer. Despite knowing all the kangtaos and pitfalls, you still went ahead, grit your teeth and organised it specially for me. Really much appreciated. Million Thanks and Kudos for also trying your best to meet up with me constantly for supper etc in spite of your hectic schedule and fatigue from Queensway. Pleasantly surprised about FM too!~ so wu xim. If I kip I sure jio u. eh boh la!~ hope u meet the guys more often even after I leave. Next time when I return I hope to see that special someone!~ haha..take care and Blackburn to win EPL!~really sorry for ur latest kt coz of me but I really appreciate you coming down despite all that. Everything will work out don’t worry!

LULU: Ouyang Mian Mian!~ finally wont get to hear your hen lei hen lei anymore. Now no one will give u kt ask you out for supper late late after I leave. Happy, can reach home by 7 and sleep all u want liao. LULU!~ thanks for all your treats and trips in your car whenever I feel too lazy to drive. No more braddell mac already, how?? Keep your hp on in case mandy wanna borrow lui lui coz EPL starting soon.haha..take care and enjoy Scotland!~ send my regards to mx in a Scottish accent. I wanna drink PEHSI!~ win me bowling hor lihai!~I miss ur finger pointing bowling celebration.

Kaizhen: Bro, did u enjoy my chocolates? Touched boh come visit you on ur bday dinner! Sorry bout ur phone. When marry must invite me hor and when u get ur bonus come with ed to visit me liao lor!~ mai tu!~ btw I haven got the Liverpool jersey and the new epl season is starting. How? Bo la kong qiu la!~And last but not least pls continue changing numbers without informing me and then messaging me assuming a miracle has taken place and I somehow know it is you. This is the 2nd time. Song. Win me bowling hor lihai. After I tease u that “everyone close fight except u.”haha..

Puiboon: Puiboon, when ‘the one’? actually I go study is because I wanna get a degree before applying for the French stall managerial position. Such is the love for the restaurant and Robert. Btw I saw auntie Lam with mandy at hougang lo. Lucky she never see me if not ask me 1000 questions until I miss my flight. Song. Anyway glad to see you settled in a stable job, gone are the days of job-hoppin. Try to tally ur wedding with tong-ge in accordance with kz and ed’s ok? So I dun need to make 2 trips. Haha.. ok take care and send my regards to catween!~see ya and mai sian!~Thanks for making the trip down for bowling and being our photographer!

Luis “My Wife” Mendieta: I’m sorry I have to use English to convey my innermost feelings and gratitude because I know no language in the universe can adequately express the myriad of emotions we have went through in the past month or so. You have been a part of my life in a way I never could have imagined. If married life was as such, I would get married now. You have been the mirror of my wife. There for me 24/7.

Grocery shopping, bowling, turkey, toy story 3, hotpot, buffets, shopping, flooding, deliveries, Koi, Toast Box, Bossini, Guotie, Wanton, Soccer, World Cup, Cheese Fries, Sizzling Drumlets, Flaming Drumlets, Sushi, Arnold’s, Deep Fried Mushrooms, Nuggets, apple pie, Hangten, Aglio Olio, Barca Potato chips, $6 parking fee, 4-2 kt, Yogurt, $7 jeans, spit on me, talk halfway, flip here flip there, 8 match winning streak, 300, eboue, dancing with bible, Dutch Lady, step on head celebration, Maserati, macdonald free glasses, bird on goal post, HRM Project, Pedro kt, Dragon Gate kt, comics, number generator, 5-5 bowling, Sprite, coupons, onion, Cameroon kt, SUNFLOWER, and the never ending list goes on and on...The van has become my second home, when I start work I will work hard to buy it from ur boss and convert it to a caravan. 5-5 bowling score how to settle?

On a serious note, thank u xianjie for driving me all over sg in the day. Something I will never do especially with the traffic, but you showed me your skill and I am in awe. You have the hardest handbrake in the world. I’ve seen a major improvement in the past year I was away and an even humongous one when I compare the Genting Mandy of the past. Although I miss parts of the old mandy, the new mandy has brought along with him a higher level of tisiao coz of “Jy..” eh bo la!~

HE DA XIA~! Xie le!~ I enjoyed myself immensely. I will anticipate your good news on Sunday. If you bring kip visit me dun say dun have, I will learn more dishes and cook for you. Soft Shell Crab and Wasabi prawns also can.

Back to addressing everyone. Before I left I predicted how the following year was gonna unfold and evaluated my absence. Having been back, I can honestly say I was 70%accurate. Absolutely nothing would have played out differently had I not left, thus I’m elated to conclude that it was a great personal decision to leave.

Looking back, my absence would also not have any bearing at all on any of your lives and truth be told, the way things are going at the moment, I can already predict what’s gonna happen in the next 10 yrs and I hope I’ll not be there to see it unfold. I also noticed a disturbing trend of meet ups simply because I was back. Whatever happened to the good old days of the past? Some of you may be reading this and I humbly urge you guys to not slip back to abyss after I leave. Pls don't allow Sunday soccer to become defunct.

On the other hand, I cannot express my gratitude enough in terms of the effort put in to meet up with me. Especially to the working personnel who specially take time off your hectic schedule and special effort to catch up despite your fatigue. (eg psycho take cab down after meeting kip, bingtai’s ktv till 3 am though working the next day and talen driving down just to meet me) I could tell from your faces that sometimes you guys were really tired after a long day at work, yet fought through fatigue to meetup. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I really appreciate it. Your gestures mean a lot to me and made me feel like a special friend. I promise to do the same the next time when I enter the workforce (which is pretty soon and if I’m physically there).

In conclusion, I think I played my part simply by returning to break the monotony in many of your lives and also served as a reminder to some to maybe ponder why it takes a friend’s return to meet up with other friends who are merely a phone call away! I’ve done my bit and its time for me to leave. I honestly dunno when I’ll be back. It’s all up to the person up there and his plans. By giving and taking away lives, he gave me a sign to come back this time. Who knows when the next sign will be? Next week, next year or never.

Like inception, I need to wake up from this 2 month long dream and return to reality, and you guys provided the kick. My totem was mandy’s turkey because in reality it would be impossible for him to have 3 strikes in a row. In fact, I’m quite sure I’m still fast asleep somewhere in St Lucia.

To each and everyone one of you: Take care and God bless. My extra empty bed will always remain exclusively empty for gmh should anyone decide to come.

I leave you guys with this song and a quote from one of only a handful of ppl in this world whom I truly respect.

“We work to live, not live to work”. Go figure.



(ps: I just realised my alphabet has failed miserably even though I tried to keep up by humming the ABC song)

alvin

Speak Goof English

Overhead at a fruits store along Katong Road:

Woman (young and fluent. attractive too, I must say): Is this all the bananas you have?

Store assistant (young, fluent too but in the wrong way): oh, you want orrh (black) one ah? We don't have sell here.

Woman: No, I mean do you have any other bananas...

(lost in drone of crowd. this writer had no particular interest in following this conversation to the end either.)


Lesson #1: don't use complicated language on simple people.
Lesson #2: given the rather cosmopolitan clientele of the east coast area, call a black banana a black banana and quit the colloquail!


Ang Heng

A Wedding Dinner Promise

As promised,

I will personally go on stage and lead this special song when Mandy or Ah Du get married during their wedding dinner. I purposely create this post so that the promise is documented. It's a promise I intend to keep. I figure I have a couple of years to perfect this song, by then I will make sure it's pitch-perfect.

Here is a mini preview of what's to come. Of course, my performance will involve real earthworms and a couple of MJ moves integrated.

Enjoy.

alonso

The Elusive Turkey...

Dear all,

After an impromptu high level committee meeting, we have reached the consensus of using the soccer fund to reserve a whole tablet block in the crematorium just for GMH members in the event of any passing ons. The idea is to tisiao even after death. So u have been alerted. Kindly state your preference for which slot is preferred. (eg. Mandy say he dun wanna be beside Talen, he scared Talen keep niaming him if he is just next door.) The top level will be exclusively reserved for OL coz his descendants will be very lanky like him. Let's pray our tablets won't get vandalised coz of him (kong qiu).

Alternatively, to cut costs, we may consider getting an extra large urn so that our ashes can simply be added on and mixed together to save space. The shape of the urn will be likened to the World Cup and of course plated with pure gold. (unless OL disagrees).

Finally, we still have not decided where our final resting place shall be. Thus, suggestions are very welcome at this moment.

So push off whatever plans you have for your respective religions which may deem it necessary to have various cremation traditions. GMH tradition overrules all.

On a different note altogether, this song is dedicated to Psycho who by some miracle have not heard it. In my opinion, its a million times better than the bloody irritating Oh yeah Oh yeah 'song'. I'm gonna start a petition to make this the new YOG song.

Btw, see u guys for the next WC.

Take care and God Bless.

alvin

Ayn Rand and Iron Man

3 weeks has passed since my last exam, a week since my status as a Masters graduate has been conferred upon me. Yet, my life is still a heady mixture of financial crises, behavioural economics and Brett Easton Ellis. The only thing unacademic about my life now are my almost daily runs. Even then, these runs have provided me with time and space to think.

It is exceedingly difficult to separate myself from the consumerism and capitalism that must go on in my daily life (shopping, television, Starbucks coffee, etc etc) and appraise the system objectively. Enslavement is rarely an option that can be declined. As Nietzsche predicted, I'm only human, too human. The task required of me is equivalent to trying to become the Above Human or the Over Human. Of course, that isn't going to stop me.

So much is expected out of anyone hoping to pursue a future as an intellect, or even an academic in the social sciences. You gradually become eccentric and more worringly so, highly cynical of the things that people around you spend their time on. Watching a football match is also understanding that I am subscribing to a Western phenomena which requires everyone to go with the rules laid down by those who wield power (economic and cultural). Giving money to these people is equivalent to a tribute to western superiority.

I owe it to the many budding Asian intellects and academics, whom I've had the priviledge of knowing, not to propagate a culture that denigrates everything we've worked so hard to achieve.

In my journey so far, I have managed to piss many people off. Friends, family, loved ones. I will continue pissing people off, I'm sure. I find it increasingly difficult to do things to gain the approval or acceptance of others. Perhaps this is the fate of the New Intellectuals mentioned by Ayn Rand, people with a responsibility to question and critique. Then again, maybe I just don't ever want to see myself grovel for the sake of gaining acceptance. I don't want to lose respect for myself.

One must always know who and what he/she is, and hold fast to that knowledge. There are too many in this world who will try to impose their will upon you, for fear that the project they have invested themselves in lack the sort of critical mass which is required to sustain it. "I" has become so precious a commodity in a world flush with "We"'s and "Them"'s.

Ang Heng

Disclaimer (of sorts)

Please note that this author is currently treading the precipice that divides Heideigger's being and non-being; Sartre's being and nothingness. His travels into the simularcra and the hyper-real has exerted an immense toll on his mental well-being.

He is playing a dangerous game that is slowly erroding his sense of good and bad, here and there, right and wrong, then and now, Him and That which is It. Rest assured that he will wrestle with his demons and perform his rear naked chokes, arm-bars, kimuras, triangles, etc in due time.

Til then, the events depicted in these posts, real or fictional; physical or metaphysical, are rife with subjectivity and the musings of an unquiet mind.

In other words, don't mind me. (and get that darned 'bell jar' off my head!)

Ang Heng

"Are we humans are are we dancers?"

By some odd twist of fate, everybody's gone clubbing tonight and I've managed to squeeze in some time for a 5km run and time to read some Sartre.

Maybe not so odd, since clubbing is an activity I've successfully avoided for the past 26 years of my life. Yes, I've never gone clubbing.

Perhaps its because I can neither drink nor dance, but as is the case for any phenomena, there is an ontological reason for this aversion and inability. Namely, I do not like to lose consciousness of my sense of being. I don't like not being in control of myself, subject to intoxication or the spasmodic bodily jerking that threatens to rob me of my hard-earned dignity.

On a separate note, my A'level Chemistry teacher's warning that alcohol results in higher bodily fat levels has spooked me for life. Ever heard of the legendary beer belly?

Like so many choices in my life, everything boils down to control. I love putting on proper clothes no matter where I go, because I want a little more control over what others perceive of me. I don't want people to think I'm sloppy.

I don't like dumb girls, not because I expect them to talk about politics or economics (these being mere signifiers of intelligence and not intellect), but because I'm more interested in girls who haven't been indoctrinated into a channel 8 - induced contentment. In other words, I want to know more opinionated and intellectually-sophisticated people, because I want to be in control of my own intellectual development.

I watch my diet and exercise regularly because I want to be in control of the way I look and feel. I want to look fit and feel healthy. This is obviously something I have never taken for granted, since my fitness was earned through discipline and some help from the army.

In a world where the essence of anything has become part of its own appearance, what you do and what you say become what you really are inside.

Perhaps I'm asking a bit too much out of the people around me. Would that I can be like Jean Paul Sartre, with a lover like Simone De Beauvoir and a buddy-cum-rival like Albert Camus. Sartre had it so easy, in the heady intellectual environment of post-war France. You could toss a stone into the crowd and you'd probably have hit an up-and-coming philosopher/political economist/activist.

Here you get clones.

I somehow think I'm never going to get a girlfriend, since I'd ideally prefer a girl who accepts my intellectual ambitions and respects that I don't club/drink/smoke. (unless there is someone awfully important doing these activities and it'll really bring great career benefits for me to partake in these activities.)

In small-town Singapore, that's as bad as asking for the stars to twinkle a little brighter through the gloom of uniformity. Then again, single-hood hasn't been bad at all, since I've had "my books and poetry to protect me". (Simon and Garfunckle)

Ang Heng

"Don't Cross The Line"

Super di siao Saturday night with fellow di siao-ers.

Now we know that Mendi is a sensitive fella. (outraged and slightly violent response to Lulu's mention of his lack of girlfriend)

And we know that we must suit up if we wanna get girls. (Kumar)

Or that good looking people earn 25% more than average people. (Teh)

And that pursuing a healthy lifestyle can provide good conversation topics with kips. (Me)

Most importantly, "Don't cross the line" (Mendi)

All of the above is true of course, being the highly intelligent (and vaguely deluded) individuals that GMH has come to represent. (ok, maybe not everyone is intelligent or deluded, no pointing of fingers.)

Perhaps the most important take-way point of the evening, we are all nice, decent-looking guys with good futures and careers, so why are there no kips in GMH???

Although I must say, I've gotten so used to a kip-less existence to the point that its almost dangerous. Get home to an empty house at 3am. Sit down at the dining table with a tea and my dogs around me. Work on my paper til 5am, in time to see the start of a new day. Collapse in bed. Wake up a mess at 3pm to pick my folks up at the airport. Work on my other paper til now.

Somehow I'm happy. (Although having a kip will make me even happier.) I've lived the life of a carefree writer for the past few days, cooking meals for myself at all the wrong times, sleeping at weird hours and waking up at even weirder hours. Driving out when I need something and zipping back home in time to write. Wearing geek t-shirts to town. Talking to my dogs and admonishing them for bad behaviour, as if they're the kids I never had. (They are.)

Can I live that sort of life for the rest of my life? Certainly, I just need credible first book to be published. Maybe a fellow pomo traveller as my significant other would be fantastic. If not, so be it. I'll write more.

2am at Hougang: guy lugging his friend home, completely knocked out.
Forever-am at wherever: my mind lugging my soul home, completely numbed.

Ang Heng

Bed-shaped and legs of stone.

Just came back from meeting a kip financial adviser. (Yes, I only meet kip ones.)

I realise that being in the line I'm in has negative social consequences. A gap is building between me and many of my peers. I'm starting to not understand other young people in pretty much the same way they're starting not to understand me. The ideas that drive me are pulling me further and further away from the people around me. I've been climbing a mountain out of faith and forgetting that there are people at the base-camps as well.

We are all climbing our individual mountains, each trying to get as high as possible. Along the way, we have guides who teach us where to step and how to climb. These guides affect the way we think as well. Along the way, we make great friends who climb that mountain with us, or simply the guy over at the other mountain, hollering at you, asking you how's the weather on your side.

I started climbing way back, with Karl Marx (man of much balls and facial hair) rallying me to climb up there and kick off whoever's at the top. Somehow, Nietzsche came along and told me (with that glint in his wizened eyes) that no, you climb that mountain because others prefer you not to, and they don't even believe that moutains are meant to be climbed. As I went to slightly headier heights, Derrida came along, with his cigarette trailing an eternal wisp of smoke and in that paternal way of his, telling me that the mountain is only high because I've been looking at other people's mountains far too much.

Foucault was a great companion too, beautiful person that he was, with a ready sense of humour. He reminded me that a moutain was only treacherous because lesser folks thought so, and people who've climbed it prefer to tell you that it is treacherous, so that you won't even bother to try and displace them. (Good buddy of Karl that he was.) Notes of encouragement from a man who shares my hairstyle, Antonio Gramsci, reminded me how pervasive the views of those people at the top are, no I mustn't listen to them or watch any TV on the way up.

Then came the greatest teacher of all time. Jean Baudrillard, who told me: look that is not a mountain you're climbing you're still stuck in the simulacra. That's an ice-berg, you need to climb to the top and take a deep breath of air, for you've been drowning for so long now that you've forgotten you were dead in the first place. Now's the time to reborn. Now's the time to stop living in the land of the dead.

I've learnt a lot about how to live from dead men. Someday I know I will throw myself behind an idea, and start to live. Today, I'm barely half-way up that mountain. We must all climb our mountains, because there's only up or down and honestly, down is never an option.

Ang Heng

Good Night and Good Luck

Dear Alvin, I think you were right all along. It feels as if it is time for me to pack up and ship off to somewhere new for a while. Hopefully, to a place where I can be accepted as who I am and not who I am supposed to be. I've made my formal application to UWA today, to do my PHD. I'm working on proposals to Sydney, Melbourne and ANU. I'll need your help with looking for accomodations and advice on living in Australia soon, thanks in advance!

On a separate note, I've taken so much flak for the things I do in my personal life and I think I've had about enough.

My decision to do my Masters has on numerous occasion come under ridicule and denouncement. Truth be told, if someone is willing to hire me to think, research and publish, I'd have thrown all qualifications away and gone to become the writer I've so wanted to be for so long. Sadly, a PHD is an entry qualification for a life as a academic writer and thinker. While being a Masters student does come with many bragging rights, it is also the lowest place to be, academically. I find myself halfway between the stars and the gutter, and everyday is a battle not to fall back into that gutter.

Even simple things like buying a lap-top skin provokes such antagony. How I spend my money is nobody's business but my own. Honestly. If I want to coat my laptop with polytetrafluoroethylene and fry eggs on it in the mid-day sun, then its really my own problem. Giving me grief over such mundane things is seriously a waste of my neural synapses.

Calling me a rich man's son is nothing but a sign of ignorance on my upbringing and background. I was born in a one-room rented flat and lived 16 years in a 4-room flat before moving on to a condo and subsequently a house. I watched my father rise from a factory shop-floor supervisor to GM. I have high expectations to live up to and sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to make it, to become someone special and worthy of everything I've been given so far.

Blessed are the shallow, for depth they'll never find. I can no longer be the sort of simpleton who lives for himself and cares only about things like drinking and clubbing anymore. I owe a debt to the society that has given me time, money and opportunity to pursue my studies. I intend to pay it back.

Ang Heng

A Little Help

Yo guys,

I have an assignment coming up based on research on Twitter so I need about 20 ppl to be on my list to proceed. Unfortunately, I have never used Twitter in my entire life so I would really appreciate it if anyone of you using Twitter pls add me so I can get the gist of it.

My email add is the same as my msn so pls add me! Thanks a million!

alonso

SSDD

Certain observations have annoyed me to the point that I've decided to write a post. (after a long break due to complaints that I'm the only one writing or that my writing cannot be understood by everyone. This of course leads to the question of whether its my fault that I'm the only one writing or that some people cannot understand my writing. I'm sure I'm grammatically correct and logically coherent most of the time.)

Not to digress. I've found it frustrating that my peers have fallen into an intellectual complacency. As young people, we somehow no longer question the things around us or even the point of our own existence. From a global perspective, this is an anomaly. We probably produce the least rebellious (and the dullest) university graduates in the entire world.

Week in week out, the hordes swarm the clubs to dance to the same music and the same beat, in the same manners, for the same reasons. Day in day out, we do the same things and think about the same stuff. We eat the same food at the same places. We do the things which are safe and conventional, acceptable by our conventional friends. Do the youth of today lack intellect or are we really that naive?

It is tempting to believe that entering the workforce enforces a certain mindframe on people, or that 'social engineering' is more rampant in certain professions which require mechanical adherence to process and technicality. That line of thought is an insult to the capacity for adaptation and evolution that is inherent in every one of us, as part of our genetic inheritance.

Most of my friends (I'm proud to say) are smart people. They were bright students in school and they are probably bright people still. However (as Kumar as mentioned), there is a difference between intelligence and intellect. If intelligence is the brain, then intellect is the mind. It is a damned shame when intelligent people lack the intellect to be more critical or even more intellectually adventurous.

Yesterday I had a fantastic conversation with a classmate of mine, an International Relations student from New Zealand (quite kip). She's a big fan of postmodern philosophy, believes in spirituality through yoga and taichi, and she is a vegan on the grounds of animal rights. We were talking about how a fragmented consciousness can be incredibly harmful to a person's sanity, yet oh so important for change and enlightenment. I have a bad feeling that I will never have intellectual conversations like that with my fellow Singaporeans. I have a nagging feeling that I will outgrow this place intellectually. Then what next?

Maybe its a small country syndrome. Everybody has the small town mentality. Similarity for security's sake, and conservative to a fault. Perhaps the biggest flaw here is our incessant desire to be safe, a product of our nanny-state upbringing. What's so interesting about safe?

Ang Heng

Asymmetric Symmetry

Two images struck me on the way to soccer yesterday. First one: an elderly man leaning on a tree on the road median, along with a walking stick. Waiting to cross the road. Second one: A row of cars stopped at the traffic light of a cross junction, 3 silver, 1 light purple, all new and shiney, stopped neatly in a row, waiting to cross the junction.

While the first image prompted thoughts of humanity and nature and how humans have always been leaning on and reliant on nature for its survival and sanity, the second image spoke volumes of the perversity of mankind and its eternal obsession with symmetry. Left and right, top and bottom, all things with their complementary opposites. (complementary opposites clearly represent an oxymoron representing Man's fear of true difference, this probably warrants an entire post on its own.)

If we could, we'd have turned the Earth into a massive cube.

Because we are unable to do that, we instead turn upon ourselves and try to make everyone around us images of ourselves. The things we cannot understand, we try to rationalise and mould into something we can. It has never occured to any of us that we could change ourselves to suit circumstances, and circumstances were never meant to suit us. If they did, then its called coincidence.

The end result is not the symmetry we desire, but repetition. Each individual thus becomes a fractal of a whole not splintered, but replicated endlessly. Like Poe's dream within a dream, we seek to become a miniature of the world as we understand it through pop culture and new media.

Since the destruction of the self is in effect the destruction of its image, true difference is shunned and discouraged. Who wants to see an image of himself destroyed or disfigured? Social relations then becomes the mutual maintenance of ego's in a bid to protect the self (not social) identity through the status quo.

Ang Heng

Of Love and Other Nasty Stuff

Supper with Kumar, Teh, Ah du + Meow and Talen. Inevitably, the question "when gao yin?" (when getting married, for the uninitiated) had to come up.

Let's have a pool. Who is going to get married first among us all? Who will produce the very first GMH 2.0? For the sake of a more interested (and less sane) future generation, I hope that happens sometime soon. (doesn't mean i hope for tiao kia though)

Another interesting conversation topic was the important trade-off between "guai guai" (decent) and interesting in a potential date. Having tried interesting twice, I can't help feeling quite shy right now, having been bitten on both occasions. I should follow my father's doctor's advice to find a teacher or a doctor. Guai, smart and caring. Then again, having met several of our moulders of the future, I'm more worried about the potential presence of a guai (weird) factor.

A doctor is a good idea too. (Aside from the aesthetic cool factor of having two Dr Woo's at the same time, yes shallow me) You can get an endless supply of MC's as well as the constant assurance that you are healthy and nothing's wrong with you (such as heart problems, diabetes, erectile dysfunction, and any other potential medical nastys that require money-consuming medical check-ups). Doctors are probably caring too.

However, at the end of the day, advice is advice. What we all want is somebody who cares about us and loves us. (plus provides us with good PP, according to du) Life is great when you're single and you can speculate on what you want or what you can have and not having to worry about whether what you have is right for you. If reality hits you, go for supper and check out kips.

Just don't point at one and go "kip!!" as if she can't see you pointing at her.

Ang Heng

A Differance of Difference

In french, the word difference can mean 'to differ' and 'to defer'. These are both concepts I have wrestled with for far so long and recent developments in my life have brought them to the forefront yet again.

Comments from classmates at a function yesterday has made me realise that I spend a lot of time with the foreign students. Firstly, my fellow Singaporean students asked me where the hell I've been. Secondly, a Chinese student peered at me for 2 whole minutes before asking me, "you're actually Singaporean?". I've known her for almost a year now.

Its not that I've become prissy and decided to shun my fellow Singaporeans. Au contraire, I spend my recreational time with Singaporeans, GMH, BJJ and Taichi cases in point. The point is that when I am in school engaging in intellectual endeavours, I cannot help but feel more comfortable within a more cosmopolitan environment.

It is a fact that Singaporeans are not very accepting of new ideas and that they are allergic to radical ideas. This makes life difficult for a student of post-modern/post-structural/critical thought to seek personal development. How do you explain the fluidity and spontaneity you crave in your daily life? It is as bad as explaining to a linkin park fan the finer points of appreciation for phillip glass or miles davis.

It is difficult to be different here. The tyranny of the masses ensures that you are oppressed, repressed and depressed through constant pressures to conform, be it pressures to engage in mass activities for the sake of fashionability or pressures to keep your more random musings to yourself for fear of incurring the wrath of scorn and rejection. This is no environment for intellectual development.

Life in the academia is no doubt challenging and extremely rewarding. Where else can you spar intellectually and bring up the most radical of ideas? Where else can a refugee from the mainstream not feel alienated?

For the professor who believes that I will make a good economist and this is the sort of work experience that is important for everybody, I'm sorry to report that I am not everybody. I am afraid of losing the spark that drives my curiosity and intellect. For the professor who believes that my gift with rational choice and numbers will serve me well in UC San Diego followed by a future in rational political science, I must still maintain that I live by the pen. Being able to follow rational patterns is a survival instinct honed over the years, not a gift at all. No matter how much I relish the challenge of mathematical formulations, I resent having to use such a beautiful instrument for the crude purposes of intellectual survival.

I believe we are all defering our difference in the hope of finding eventual acceptance. Another professor made an interesting point yesterday, he said that great ideas have tended to come from people in exile. In the highly-connected globalized world of today where concepts of national boundaries have become problematic, one cannot help but feel in exile anywhere at all. Perhaps I do not want to keep myself in my intellectual comfort zone.

I want to be challenged for once.

Ang Heng

A Qualification Of Qualifications

This blog post will start with 2 stories.

1) An acquaintance has been sitting at home for the past year, trying to get into a particular bank and trying to clear her modules for her degree from MDIS. Her justification is that with her work experience as a teller, that bank should take her in as an executive, degree or not.

2) A particular country in South East Asia has just realised that it needs to boost the productivity of its workforce in order to compete with other Newly Industrialised Economies. The recession has shown just how risky it is to base an economy on exports and services, both procyclical in nature.

This post may sound elitist, but it is not. It is a story of why we must improve ourselves and not let the bigger fish eat us.

It is common in Singapore to lambast people who pursue educational qualifications. Examples: "cert only what, work experience is more important" or "scholar dunno how to do anything one".

Let me qualify some points with regards to education.

• Getting a degree is never about the qualification, it is partly about gaining the knowledge learnt in your course and more about being able to handle stress and hard work. Employers want workers are exposed to cutting-edge business thought, as well as workers who have proven themselves capable of hardwork and perseverance.
• People who blast scholars are usually at too low a level to understand the things these people do. Higher education trains people for planning and development work, not just ground level labour.
• Higher education also exposes you to an intellectually-stimulating environment. I spend my days at ntu debating and intellectually sparring with diplomats, senior military ranking officers and scholars from many different countries. I may be lowest in the pecking order here, but I am learning how to fit into a new pecking order.
• This leads to personal development. We must always remember to aspire to be like those who are better than us. By interacting with high-flyers, we network with important people of the future. We also learn how they think and how they work, a tried-and-tested means to success.

So to all my friends who are hard at work pursuing an education, bravo to you. I hope you do well in your academic work and learn all the important soft-skills needed to give you that boost in your future career. The best things in life are always earned through sweat and blood.

Remember that as we grow in age, we must also mature and flower in other ways as well, be it intellect, personality or simply a wider world-view. There is a Chow Yun Fatt phrase my dad always tells me, I'll try to translate it from cantonese below. It is a reminder that short-term pain always leads to long-term gains.

Take a step back, now the sky looks wide and the sea is endless. Persevere a little, and the storm will die down.

Ang Heng/JJ

Of Black Holes And Toilet Bowls

Best of the Best.

Conversation 1:
Kumar: Mendi, did you know Zhi Xiang got girlfriend already?
Mendi: Waaah.... aaah oooh aaaahhoaraaaahh (incoherent noises due to tau huay still inside mouth)
Kumar: Haah? What did you say?
Mendi: *More of the same*
Mendi: Like this I will go all out this year liao. Must get Kip liao. My plan is on the road liao.

Conversation 2:
Me: The Voluntary Police work pays $3.60 per hour.
Mendi: Wah so little ah, I get at least $10 per hour looh
Me: Its not about the money, its about giving back to society mah
Mendi: But $3.60 per hour is still very little loooh, siao ah..
Me: I already said its not about the money la, its about giving back to society
Mendi: I don't owe anything to society loh, I make my own money one loooh
Me: You think without society, you can still drive your van, earn money, walk around safely in the country meh?
*No further response*

Conversation 3:
Mendi: Don't have girlfriend, you don't feel hungry meeh?
Me: I already had 2 relationships in a row loh, I think its a good time for a break.
Mendi: I am hungry for love and affection loh...

I take back what I said about the toilet paper and Mendi's mouth in HK. He is a toilet bowl, always making gurgling incoherent noises and severely full of it.

Of course, the black hole refers to the enigma which our dear Mendi is so intent on uncovering. Namely, women. Because they end up sucking up all your money (if she's vain), time (if she's demanding), energy (if she's intellectual) and other stuff (if she's hot).

Because when the love goes supernova, you are left with a deep darkness that is the polar opposite of what love was. A darkness which reminds you that everything is a linear journey to its end and whether we do have a choice or not, maybe it was all the illusion of a coincidence.

JJ/Ang Heng

Breaking the monopoly

ANGHENG SIBEH HENG! Sorry ah! I have to intercept your record breaking consecutive posts on LSKbyGMH to insert my urgent announcement for this festive season=)

I just want everybody who is reading this blog to know that YOU are invited to my house on Sat 20th Feb to bai nian and lau yusheng for a huaty and suun suun year ahead! I'm sure bingtai, mendi and psycho need it most. HAHA!

Please bring your own mandarin oranges and not resort to taking mine and attempting to disguise them like they are your own at the door step horrrr (FMUS2!!). AND wear nice nice ah!

Let me know if you're coming or not by Thursday kay!

HUAT AH!

amendi

Quietly Past The Mark of Youth

Yesterday I turned 26 amidst a flurry of meetings with my research team and some subtle pressure from my dissertation supervisor, reminding me that time moves in a linear fashion.

It almost did not feel like a birthday, except for that one instance of confusion in the corridor where I was presented with a card, a gift, a gigantic famous amos cookie and a birthday hug from a new-found sister. I appreciated the hug most.

So here I am, past my socially-constructed mark of youth, thrust into a world of future career prospects and annual medical check-ups. (You're supposed to be past your physical prime after 25 and advised to go for check-ups every year, or so I was told) I don't feel my age physically, old only in soul.

2 nights of sleepnessness induced by Bertrand Russel and Karl Marx can only intensify my feeling of emotional age.

To re-affirm my Marxist tendencies, circumstances have proven that religion is truly the opiate of the masses, although the internet has somehow become the new source of class consciousness. Yes, shrill voices of dissent do rise now and again, gently rocking the boat upon which the elite sit. However, I do not forsee much trembling among the ruling classes.

Perhaps one of them will fall into the water, for the sharks to rip apart? Surely the ones who peer over the side and make snide comments about the fish swirling below lose their balance the fastest.

Ang Heng

Watching Muse live somehow puts an oomph into your mid-week drag. Revolutionary/Marxist undertones, laser show and fantastic musicianship, what else can a rock fan ask for?

Then again, some of the newer songs leave much to be desired. They left me pondering some pretty heavy stuff while I was waiting for the damned song to finish. This is a condensed (and simplified) version of what was going through my head:

The rock star is a real copy of himself. He has ceased to be the rock star the minute the songs have been recorded and released as hits. The records/CDs/mp3's are true copies, duplicated in a studio. However, by going on tours, rehasing the songs life and trying to recreate the "rock star moment" on stage night after night, the rock star has ceased to be himself. He has become a copy of the real, a re-iteration of what it means to be a rock star.

The inspiration is over, the musicianship is a tedious reworking of licks and beats. The only thing real is the occasional ad lib improvisation. Then again, the improvisation was carried out with a deliberate attempt to show that the musician is able to improvise, defeating all purpose of improvisation, since improvisation comes with neither purpose nor deliberation.

Having said all that, it was a great show nonetheless. Music, kips, rock and roll. Rock fans always have it gooood.

As Cypher said in the Matrix: I know this steak doesn't exist, I know that the matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and succulent. But after nine years, guess what? Ignorance is bliss.

Ang Heng

leileima

As the first month of 2010 comes to a close, I find myself getting closer and closer to turning 26 with each passing day. No that old, but far from young. I find myself increasingly frustrated by the situation I'm in. So much to do, so much to tell. So precious little time.

I have half a year left before I embark on another new phase in life, another fork in the road is waiting for me. There could not have been any more at stake than this: my youth and energy.

I know I've been convinced that I'll go on to my phd after my masters, but now it seems that the choice is not so simple after all.

It has come to my attention that I know very precious little of the world I find myself working so hard to justify. Yes, going into the working world will grant me that experience from the ground, give me that bit of grit to my academic and intellectual growth. Not to mention financial stability. Importantly, it may just save my sanity.

There is a hole in me. I've always thought doing my phd would give me time to think and figure out what exactly it is that I'm feeling. I find myself becoming incessantly aggressive and debative, fighting in the name of dead men. Dead men who haunt me because of the questions they've forced me to ask of myself.

So much time was spent on existantialist philosophy and post-modern writing, trying to decipher the codes these prophets (or heretics?) spoke in, hoping to find an answer to the intellectual chasm I feel in me. Worse yet, I feel a hunger to fill that hole. There is something I need to say and I don't know how to. The hunger aches most when things stagnate, running is no real cure for it anymore. There never was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The way is no longer clear and the person who understood all this betrayed me. Its going to be a long february ahead.

Ang Heng

Demons and Airwaves

How long does it take for me to drive home from ntu at peak hour? 2 hours.

2 hours of excruciating stop-and-go, not to mention crappy radio advertisements.

Take Amore fitness for example: "go show the men how you can work it" (some fitness event)

Maybe I'm just being sensitive (being in an academic environments where half the girls hold some sort of feminist, neo-marxist ideal), but this is the sort of crap that women seeking emanicipation from a patriachal, engendered society have to put up with. Subtle digs at presupposed female weaknesses and blatant subject positioning in order to maintain a status quo that disadvantages women.

Of course it is sad that many women have come to accept such a status quo and become numbed to the point of apathy, leading to a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling discrimination. It is even worse that many of my fellow men will no doubt disagree with my sympathy for the feminist movement.

However, I do have one key point of contention with regards to feminist discourse: the meaning of the term MCP.

Pigs are rather intelligent.

I'd prefer a break-down to male chauvinist patsy and male chauvinist pansy (using their own lingo). The patsy's are the gullible morons who subscribe to whatever views their fellow in-group happens to subscribe to. The pansy's are the ones who do not dare challenge the blatant fact that half of the world's population faces some sort of discrimination or other every single day.

Definitely, the excuse of one man not being able to make a difference is simply that: an excuse.

For well you know that that its a fool who plays it cool,
By making his world a little colder.

Ang Heng/JJ