I've got the Beatles' Across The Universe on repeat as 2009 slowly ebbs away. I spent the night on Baudrllard's Simulations and suddenly everything looks different, and yet I know nothing's ever changed.
A new year approaches, to be welcomed, to be ushered in. Yet the funny thing is, we never had a choice whether we wanted a new year to come in or not. A year is nothing more than a convenient measure of a span of time. Time moves on in a linear fashion, whether we 'welcome' it or not. Rather, it should be the new year welcoming us as we move forward. (although there is always an option of not moving forward, that of the termination of consciousness and by virtue of association, existence. I will not waste breath in explaining why consciousness has to be terminated before existence.)
So ever onward, the shackles still dragging on our feet as we shuffle forward. No, 2010 will not be a new year, for every year in existence (past, present of future) is 'new' in the sense that it is unprecedented. It is new to the human experience. At best, 2010 is only new because it is unknown.
Tomorrow, people will count down to the arrival of a new year. But they will have gotten it wrong. By counting down, we're counting the seconds left of the old year. We are chiming the death rattle of a year past and best forgotten (in most instances).
Having said all that, I am excited by the prospect of 2010. I haven't set any resolutions for myself, other than that of having a steely resolve. A resolution of resolve.
No, the world's not going to change, it is Nothing which plays the catalyst of change every single time. Possession does not spark revolution, it is dis-possession that ignites the conflict that boils beneath the surface of every simulation.
Ang Heng
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
CHRISTMAS PARTY @ LULU'S - 27 Dec '09
Dear GMH members, here's the tentative proposed menu for the evening. Open for feedback and comments. Otherwise the organising committee will make the call. So yeah, voice out your preferences now now now!
Good Old Garlic Bread and Soup of the Day
a simple Salad
Roast Turkey
Gourmet Sausages
Pork Chops
Pasta
Honey Glazed Ham
Tacos
Grilled Peaches topped with Mascarpone Cheese
Log Cake
*GMH christmas party committee '09*
(in the absence of alvin=)
Disclaimer: The above pictures may not fully and accurately reflect the food that may turn out on the actual day. They will, however, be subjected to the chef's mood and the budget constrain.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
"Power comes from the sinews of my bicep!"
It's been a strange week for me. Elliot Smith said that "happy and sad come in quick succession" but for me they came both at the same time.
Happy was the Hong Kong trip. This was the 5th time I've been to the city, the first being when I was 11 and the rest spread rather evenly over time. Each time I return, it feels like I'm home. Its not just that the place speaks the language that I grew up with, or feeds me with the food I grew up with when Singapore was less sanitized. Its the hustle and bustle of a city truly alive.
This time is different, for the company was sublime (almost). Teh with his GPS satelite uplink, Kumar with his marshalling of the troops, Simon with his immaculately planned itinerary and Mendi with his everlasting mouth. I guess you'll all be amazed that Mendi actually approached a girl and asked her to take a photo with him.
Of course this happened only after some verbal persuasion on my part("Mendi, this is a roll of toilet paper, I use it to wipe my backside but you use it to wipe your mouth. Why? because your mouth isn't any different from my backside)and great stategizing from everyone else.
I should also mention that this trip spawned a whole new set of trademarks. "I am very tired, my leg is calling a day", "My social very good one loh!", "Orh! AH!". I'm sure Kumar can fill in with those I don't remember and the rest of you can guess who came up with all those trademarks.
Staying in the same room as teh and mendi can kill you with laughter. All in all, I'd say this was a pretty steadip travelling crew. But my part of the trip was cut short by my grandfather's funeral, so I guess there has to be another post documenting the parts of the trip where I wasn't there. It goes without saying that I miss Hong Kong and the familiarity I feel with this particular city. I miss the brisk winter wind, with its scent of rain and excitement.
The passing of my grandfather was no doubt a sad occasion. He led a hard life and he deserves his rest now, no matter how much we wish his life could have been better. It has also put religion on my mind. I am increasingly intrigued by the way in which my philosophical standings (I'm Postmodern in that respect) have begun to be integrated with my religious beliefs (Mahayana Buddhism). It looks like the only way for me to attain my eventual enlightenment lies in introspection. Rituals and writing can only guide anyone this far, I must experience and find my own understanding of my existence and my eventual demise.
Ang Heng
Happy was the Hong Kong trip. This was the 5th time I've been to the city, the first being when I was 11 and the rest spread rather evenly over time. Each time I return, it feels like I'm home. Its not just that the place speaks the language that I grew up with, or feeds me with the food I grew up with when Singapore was less sanitized. Its the hustle and bustle of a city truly alive.
This time is different, for the company was sublime (almost). Teh with his GPS satelite uplink, Kumar with his marshalling of the troops, Simon with his immaculately planned itinerary and Mendi with his everlasting mouth. I guess you'll all be amazed that Mendi actually approached a girl and asked her to take a photo with him.
Of course this happened only after some verbal persuasion on my part("Mendi, this is a roll of toilet paper, I use it to wipe my backside but you use it to wipe your mouth. Why? because your mouth isn't any different from my backside)and great stategizing from everyone else.
I should also mention that this trip spawned a whole new set of trademarks. "I am very tired, my leg is calling a day", "My social very good one loh!", "Orh! AH!". I'm sure Kumar can fill in with those I don't remember and the rest of you can guess who came up with all those trademarks.
Staying in the same room as teh and mendi can kill you with laughter. All in all, I'd say this was a pretty steadip travelling crew. But my part of the trip was cut short by my grandfather's funeral, so I guess there has to be another post documenting the parts of the trip where I wasn't there. It goes without saying that I miss Hong Kong and the familiarity I feel with this particular city. I miss the brisk winter wind, with its scent of rain and excitement.
The passing of my grandfather was no doubt a sad occasion. He led a hard life and he deserves his rest now, no matter how much we wish his life could have been better. It has also put religion on my mind. I am increasingly intrigued by the way in which my philosophical standings (I'm Postmodern in that respect) have begun to be integrated with my religious beliefs (Mahayana Buddhism). It looks like the only way for me to attain my eventual enlightenment lies in introspection. Rituals and writing can only guide anyone this far, I must experience and find my own understanding of my existence and my eventual demise.
Ang Heng
Sunday, December 13, 2009
If you are my friend, please read...
Hi,
It has been a long time since I blog. This is a post dedicated to my friends, including GMH members, SMU friends, Army friends...
I know I have not been joining you guys on any of the activities these few months. Yes… I have turn everyone off by rejecting all your invitations lately (Not only GMH members, even my Uni friends and my army friends).
Before I start, just want to tell you, YES, for all the facebook comments, I am ATTACHED.
But it is not the main reason why I have not been able to make time for any of you, my friends.
I am also working very hard at work. Have been working most of my Saturdays. BUT it is definitely NOT about climbing up the corporate ladder. Seriously, in my department, I don’t see a ladder. There are only 3 steps. And if the people ahead of me do not shift, I am stuck. However, the reason I work so hard is because I want to learn more and that I want to be responsible to what I am doing. You know, I even ask for projects. And furthermore, in Ops, my growth is limited so I need to initiate to be able to learn more. No doubt this adds to my stress level at times. But at least, I feel like I am using my brains.
And if you know me, I’ve got many other problems too (things I cannot say here). For this, it’s the MOST STRESSFUL. But there is nothing much I can do other than pray or find ways to earn more.
Nevertheless, the good news is that I am attached. And for most of my free time, I am spending my time with her. Haha. And since it is in the initial stage, I don’t think I should bring her to meet my friends yet. So please be patient and don’t ask anything more.
All in all, thanks for your care and concern.
As for facebook, I am keeping it as complicated cause I want our relationship to be profession when we are at work. We want to keep it private and not let any of our colleagues knows. Nevertheless, some of them have already guessed it. But still, if you are my colleague and you know already, pls shut up/keep quiet about it.
That’s all I am saying. My friends, I really do want to meet you but time does not permit me to do it. I am working hard for my life and for her. So I just hope for your blessing and understanding.
Thanks in advance.
Blackburn
It has been a long time since I blog. This is a post dedicated to my friends, including GMH members, SMU friends, Army friends...
I know I have not been joining you guys on any of the activities these few months. Yes… I have turn everyone off by rejecting all your invitations lately (Not only GMH members, even my Uni friends and my army friends).
Before I start, just want to tell you, YES, for all the facebook comments, I am ATTACHED.
But it is not the main reason why I have not been able to make time for any of you, my friends.
I am also working very hard at work. Have been working most of my Saturdays. BUT it is definitely NOT about climbing up the corporate ladder. Seriously, in my department, I don’t see a ladder. There are only 3 steps. And if the people ahead of me do not shift, I am stuck. However, the reason I work so hard is because I want to learn more and that I want to be responsible to what I am doing. You know, I even ask for projects. And furthermore, in Ops, my growth is limited so I need to initiate to be able to learn more. No doubt this adds to my stress level at times. But at least, I feel like I am using my brains.
And if you know me, I’ve got many other problems too (things I cannot say here). For this, it’s the MOST STRESSFUL. But there is nothing much I can do other than pray or find ways to earn more.
Nevertheless, the good news is that I am attached. And for most of my free time, I am spending my time with her. Haha. And since it is in the initial stage, I don’t think I should bring her to meet my friends yet. So please be patient and don’t ask anything more.
All in all, thanks for your care and concern.
As for facebook, I am keeping it as complicated cause I want our relationship to be profession when we are at work. We want to keep it private and not let any of our colleagues knows. Nevertheless, some of them have already guessed it. But still, if you are my colleague and you know already, pls shut up/keep quiet about it.
That’s all I am saying. My friends, I really do want to meet you but time does not permit me to do it. I am working hard for my life and for her. So I just hope for your blessing and understanding.
Thanks in advance.
Blackburn
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
A Startling, Hilarious, Random Discovery...
Hi guys,
I was randomly looking thru facebook and stumbled upon Jiali's profile. Guess who I saw? Sibei tisiao la..Memories come flooding back. You will never believe how the skeletons in the closet always have a way of forcing themselves out..hahaha..
There it was, the unmistakable curry pok hair and the endless legs. Yup u guessed it, the lao hiao court clique photos. Apparently, I'm guessing Jiali's Bf is in the navy and his entire clique is there. I almost forgot what they looked like.
So guys, if you want a trip down memory lane go check it out. And Jiali if you are reading this, please ask your bf to help me get the name of his friend who snaps like Mr Tong at absolutely nothing. If he doesn't get help, sooner or later we will get another Virginia Tech massacre, parang-style. Tell your bf to stay away from him or end up a dead charlatan.
Happy holidays guys!
alonso
I was randomly looking thru facebook and stumbled upon Jiali's profile. Guess who I saw? Sibei tisiao la..Memories come flooding back. You will never believe how the skeletons in the closet always have a way of forcing themselves out..hahaha..
There it was, the unmistakable curry pok hair and the endless legs. Yup u guessed it, the lao hiao court clique photos. Apparently, I'm guessing Jiali's Bf is in the navy and his entire clique is there. I almost forgot what they looked like.
So guys, if you want a trip down memory lane go check it out. And Jiali if you are reading this, please ask your bf to help me get the name of his friend who snaps like Mr Tong at absolutely nothing. If he doesn't get help, sooner or later we will get another Virginia Tech massacre, parang-style. Tell your bf to stay away from him or end up a dead charlatan.
Happy holidays guys!
alonso
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Tractor Beams and Force Fields
An advertisement on Tv has seriously irked me. One word: ESPN.
Dude goes into bar, sees a bunch of cool people. Dude tries to join the group, but is blocked by some kind of invisible force field. Dude checks out tv showing some ESPN programme. Bunch of numbers goes into dude. Dude is pulled across force-field by some kind of tractor-beam, bar-stool and all. Brief orgasmic moment while transcending force field. Dude fits into group. Happily. Ever. After.
You don't need to be a neo-marxist sociologist to know that tv is telling you that tv will help you fit into society.
Nevermind that you will lose all individuality, or that society will leave its mark (somewhere between your thumb and index finger) on you like the way they stamp the pigs in the abbatoir. Nevermind that tv represents the vested interests of the rich and the famous.
What offends me the most is the audacity to portray this blatant socialization process on the medium of socialization itself. Sometimes I wonder what they take us for.
Be it apathy or stupidity, I beg to differ.
Ang Heng
Dude goes into bar, sees a bunch of cool people. Dude tries to join the group, but is blocked by some kind of invisible force field. Dude checks out tv showing some ESPN programme. Bunch of numbers goes into dude. Dude is pulled across force-field by some kind of tractor-beam, bar-stool and all. Brief orgasmic moment while transcending force field. Dude fits into group. Happily. Ever. After.
You don't need to be a neo-marxist sociologist to know that tv is telling you that tv will help you fit into society.
Nevermind that you will lose all individuality, or that society will leave its mark (somewhere between your thumb and index finger) on you like the way they stamp the pigs in the abbatoir. Nevermind that tv represents the vested interests of the rich and the famous.
What offends me the most is the audacity to portray this blatant socialization process on the medium of socialization itself. Sometimes I wonder what they take us for.
Be it apathy or stupidity, I beg to differ.
Ang Heng
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cosmopolitan my foot
What some singaporean idiot said to my norwegian friend, having chanced upon him waiting for his friend outside zouk: "why don't you take that cab there and go back to wherever you came from?" As usual, there are stories aplenty, during many a bus ride, about the less-than-welcome attitude my fellow countrymen take towards these 'ousiders' whom I have come to identify more with than the aforementioned countrymen.
We can be a curiously xenophobic bunch of morons at times. I'm not saying that I haven't been guilty of some bias either, especially with respect to certain nationalities (note: nationality, not ethnicity), but at least I practise some diplomacy and respect everyone's right to a sense of dignity.
Do what you want, just don't harm anyone else in the process. You can be whatever you want to be, just don't go round harming anyone else physically, emotionally or psychologically in the process. My liberal tendencies may have become jaded over time, but there is at least a sense of decency left somewhere in me to respect js mill's mantra. I wouldn't use the word decent in the same sentence as some of the people I see around me.
Its a sad thing when civil society loses its civility. No wonder the courtesy lion had to come out of retirement.
Ang Heng
-Oh yeah alvin: i may be joining you in australia next year for my post-grad studies, but i still don't know enough about an australian post-graduate education. you got any websites or any other source of information you can recommend? For now i'm aiming for anu or else the lse in london, but i'm open to any other good options.
We can be a curiously xenophobic bunch of morons at times. I'm not saying that I haven't been guilty of some bias either, especially with respect to certain nationalities (note: nationality, not ethnicity), but at least I practise some diplomacy and respect everyone's right to a sense of dignity.
Do what you want, just don't harm anyone else in the process. You can be whatever you want to be, just don't go round harming anyone else physically, emotionally or psychologically in the process. My liberal tendencies may have become jaded over time, but there is at least a sense of decency left somewhere in me to respect js mill's mantra. I wouldn't use the word decent in the same sentence as some of the people I see around me.
Its a sad thing when civil society loses its civility. No wonder the courtesy lion had to come out of retirement.
Ang Heng
-Oh yeah alvin: i may be joining you in australia next year for my post-grad studies, but i still don't know enough about an australian post-graduate education. you got any websites or any other source of information you can recommend? For now i'm aiming for anu or else the lse in london, but i'm open to any other good options.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
To the greatest performer who ever graced the stage
Hi guys,
After watching 'This is it', I have the impulse of posting a couple of videos in memory of the best dancer the world will ever know. Ignore all the tabloid junkies and just watching the man on stage is a priviledge itself.
Bye MJ, we're truly blessed to be the generation that saw you at your peak. Something our children will never be able to proclaim. I'm glad to have been to both your concerts and saw u perform in the flesh, otherwise it will be one of the biggest regrets of my life. The memories will forever be embedded in me. I can still see 55,000 ppl on their feet and the 9-year old me screaming my lungs off to 'Smooth Criminal'. That image and atmosphere will never leave me.
For fellow fans, pls go watch the movie. At 50, he could outdance all the muscular 18 yr olds dancers in the back ground. Go see wat I mean. you wont regret and they even give u a poster that u can pin on the wall. I had absolutely no doubt that it would have been an awesome concert.
So here are the 3 videos that, in my opinion, are the best ones I could find. Remember to watch it in HD to enjoy the full glory.
The world will never see such a performer ever again.
To MJ, I promise to lay flowers at your burial site someday, because I'm a huge fan, and simply because you were the greatest.
alvin
After watching 'This is it', I have the impulse of posting a couple of videos in memory of the best dancer the world will ever know. Ignore all the tabloid junkies and just watching the man on stage is a priviledge itself.
Bye MJ, we're truly blessed to be the generation that saw you at your peak. Something our children will never be able to proclaim. I'm glad to have been to both your concerts and saw u perform in the flesh, otherwise it will be one of the biggest regrets of my life. The memories will forever be embedded in me. I can still see 55,000 ppl on their feet and the 9-year old me screaming my lungs off to 'Smooth Criminal'. That image and atmosphere will never leave me.
For fellow fans, pls go watch the movie. At 50, he could outdance all the muscular 18 yr olds dancers in the back ground. Go see wat I mean. you wont regret and they even give u a poster that u can pin on the wall. I had absolutely no doubt that it would have been an awesome concert.
So here are the 3 videos that, in my opinion, are the best ones I could find. Remember to watch it in HD to enjoy the full glory.
The world will never see such a performer ever again.
To MJ, I promise to lay flowers at your burial site someday, because I'm a huge fan, and simply because you were the greatest.
alvin
Saturday, October 24, 2009
A Study In Elegance
Some weeks back, I commented on a Malaysian film which I enjoyed immensely. Today I will do the patriotic thing.
If you haven't seen Blue Mansion, please do yourself the favour of watching it. I have thus far yet to see a Singaporean film as sophisticated, elegant or beautiful as this. Great script, fantastic acting, superb dialogue and not to forget the cinematography. What more can you ask of a film? Most importantly, the score provided the elegance and the mystic, steeped within a beautiful rustic set. A true tragedy of Shakespearan proportions enshrined within the guise of a black comedy.
The best thing is, it reminds me of how much I love mysteries, whether in film or literature. The constant suspense and all the sordid secrets that emerge as layer after layer of plot is unravelled.
I remember Miss Thoo making us read Agatha Christie when I was in Secondary One. Although everyone hated it, I secretly enjoyed reading the Miss Marple novel I happened to have picked. That led to Hercule Poirot and a whole range of witty and cynical characters. The murders in the Rue Morgue also showed me that Edgar Allan Poe was a mystery writer through and through. Sherlock just seemed so dull next to all this.
There is one book which I have recommended many to read, Honor Thy Father by Lesley Glaister. This is the sort of unravelling that I witnessed in Blue Mansion, the same shiver down your spine as you get to the dark, bitter core of the mystery. That moment when you realise that all criminals pale in comparison to the things that dwell within the human psyche.
If you haven't seen Blue Mansion, please do yourself the favour of watching it. I have thus far yet to see a Singaporean film as sophisticated, elegant or beautiful as this. Great script, fantastic acting, superb dialogue and not to forget the cinematography. What more can you ask of a film? Most importantly, the score provided the elegance and the mystic, steeped within a beautiful rustic set. A true tragedy of Shakespearan proportions enshrined within the guise of a black comedy.
The best thing is, it reminds me of how much I love mysteries, whether in film or literature. The constant suspense and all the sordid secrets that emerge as layer after layer of plot is unravelled.
I remember Miss Thoo making us read Agatha Christie when I was in Secondary One. Although everyone hated it, I secretly enjoyed reading the Miss Marple novel I happened to have picked. That led to Hercule Poirot and a whole range of witty and cynical characters. The murders in the Rue Morgue also showed me that Edgar Allan Poe was a mystery writer through and through. Sherlock just seemed so dull next to all this.
There is one book which I have recommended many to read, Honor Thy Father by Lesley Glaister. This is the sort of unravelling that I witnessed in Blue Mansion, the same shiver down your spine as you get to the dark, bitter core of the mystery. That moment when you realise that all criminals pale in comparison to the things that dwell within the human psyche.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
deja vu part 2
What if you were wronged by someone a long time ago, say 7 years. Its a long enough time. Today you meet someone who resembles that figure from the past, to the T. Of course the difference is that the you of today is totally different from the you of the past, the one who always got rejected and thrown about as a joke. How do you not treat this new person indifferently?
What if every time you see this person, you get that awful taste at the back of your throat, that horrid reminder of dejection? Worst still, if you catch yourself giving preferential treatment (positive or negative) to this person because of your own contextual bias, what does that say about you?
Youth may be a curse, but age is surely a slow-acting poison, the kind that kills you by accumulation.
Ang Heng
What if every time you see this person, you get that awful taste at the back of your throat, that horrid reminder of dejection? Worst still, if you catch yourself giving preferential treatment (positive or negative) to this person because of your own contextual bias, what does that say about you?
Youth may be a curse, but age is surely a slow-acting poison, the kind that kills you by accumulation.
Ang Heng
Monday, October 05, 2009
Finally a response...
It was the reply I half expected, but at least I got a Senior Correspondent to admit he made a mistake.
alvin
Saturday, October 03, 2009
~ MID-AUTUMN FESTIVAL ~
DATE: 3 October 2009, Saturday
TIME: 6pm till late
VENUE: Bishan Park (Open to ideas!)
BYOL
coming?
*amendi*
An article that made my blood boil..
Hi guys,
I was flipping through today's straits times and got a rude shock on PAGE 2 of the PRIME SECTION. If any of you haven't read it yet, I STRONGLY recommend u to go read it. The journalist wrote a 3000 word article which offers no alternatives watsoever and basically told us to bite the bullet and 'just pay'.
I have never replied to a newspaper in my life and this article got my virgin reply. Immediately I emailed that journalist on what I felt. I could have used a harsher tone and language but figured if it wasn't subtle enough he may not read it at all.
Anyway I've already sent the email. It is below. If anyone clearly feels that same way as me I strongly urge you to do the same. Of course if you don't feel a thing and will subcribe anyway, ignore this post.
Dear Sir,
With all due respect, in times like these, asking the general public to 'bite the bullet' and subcribe to the new service for football fans is hardly the objective opinion we would come to expect from an article in the most established print media in Singapore. Why not address the issues of the common football fan and offer alternatives rather than telling people the most obvious thing of 'just paying'?
Just to name a few, giving us a list of coffeeshops which offers screenings or advising the 'poor' football fan to pay a visit to a fellow fan who can well afford to host a couple of people in their homes to cheer on their favourite teams.
A 3000 word article in page 2 of the 'prime' section that offers absolutely no insight on the thoughts of the common folks, no alternatives whatsoever other than stating the obvious of 'biting the bullet' is shocking.
You do realise that such an article serves only one purpose of feeding the greed of the parties involved in making sport only accessible to the rich. The last thing we want is for the average fan to just bite the bullet and keep paying exorbitant subscription fees through their noses with little knowledge that doing so is simply depriving the poor folks from access to future sports events.
It is indeed regrettable that your article has just about summed up what is wrong with society today, encouraging people to submit to what is thrown at us, continue down the slippery slope of increasing fees just to watch a sport that is supposed to be accessible to everyone.
And Sir, again with all due respect, not subcribing does not mean we are giving up football, it means we are not giving in to the people who think they own football and try to suck every penny out of the common folk. There are plenty of alternatives of watching football without 'biting the bullet' which you clearly ommitted, maybe due to the fact that you may have thought it was too obvious to point out, or simply ignorant of.
I do not mean to offend, just merely voicing the opinions of the people sitting in the same office as myself and wondering almost in unison, on how on earth you managed to equate not subscribing to giving up football in page 2 of the nation's top newspaper.
Cheers mate. Have a good weekend :)
regards,
alvin
I was flipping through today's straits times and got a rude shock on PAGE 2 of the PRIME SECTION. If any of you haven't read it yet, I STRONGLY recommend u to go read it. The journalist wrote a 3000 word article which offers no alternatives watsoever and basically told us to bite the bullet and 'just pay'.
I have never replied to a newspaper in my life and this article got my virgin reply. Immediately I emailed that journalist on what I felt. I could have used a harsher tone and language but figured if it wasn't subtle enough he may not read it at all.
Anyway I've already sent the email. It is below. If anyone clearly feels that same way as me I strongly urge you to do the same. Of course if you don't feel a thing and will subcribe anyway, ignore this post.
Dear Sir,
With all due respect, in times like these, asking the general public to 'bite the bullet' and subcribe to the new service for football fans is hardly the objective opinion we would come to expect from an article in the most established print media in Singapore. Why not address the issues of the common football fan and offer alternatives rather than telling people the most obvious thing of 'just paying'?
Just to name a few, giving us a list of coffeeshops which offers screenings or advising the 'poor' football fan to pay a visit to a fellow fan who can well afford to host a couple of people in their homes to cheer on their favourite teams.
A 3000 word article in page 2 of the 'prime' section that offers absolutely no insight on the thoughts of the common folks, no alternatives whatsoever other than stating the obvious of 'biting the bullet' is shocking.
You do realise that such an article serves only one purpose of feeding the greed of the parties involved in making sport only accessible to the rich. The last thing we want is for the average fan to just bite the bullet and keep paying exorbitant subscription fees through their noses with little knowledge that doing so is simply depriving the poor folks from access to future sports events.
It is indeed regrettable that your article has just about summed up what is wrong with society today, encouraging people to submit to what is thrown at us, continue down the slippery slope of increasing fees just to watch a sport that is supposed to be accessible to everyone.
And Sir, again with all due respect, not subcribing does not mean we are giving up football, it means we are not giving in to the people who think they own football and try to suck every penny out of the common folk. There are plenty of alternatives of watching football without 'biting the bullet' which you clearly ommitted, maybe due to the fact that you may have thought it was too obvious to point out, or simply ignorant of.
I do not mean to offend, just merely voicing the opinions of the people sitting in the same office as myself and wondering almost in unison, on how on earth you managed to equate not subscribing to giving up football in page 2 of the nation's top newspaper.
Cheers mate. Have a good weekend :)
regards,
alvin
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Mid-Week Rantings
What a whirlwind of a week this is turning out to be. I'm finding myself staying in school from morning til night for wed, thur and possibly even friday. What makes it worse is the timebomb that is slowly ticking at the back of my mind, aka assignments and research papers due. Having said that, I have found some time amidst all this for some introspection.
Tonight I watched Sepet during research methods class. Its basically a love story between a malay girl and a chinese boy in Malaysia. While the topic it deals with is controversial enough, I find myself increasingly shocked by the simple beauty and elegance in a film made in Malaysia. I never thought I'd find myself impressed by Malaysian or Singaporean fim-making. But here I am, in RSIS, being taught several whole new lessons, the least of which is never to underestimate the creative prowess of very backward countries.
It is ironic, isn't it? That the very institutions (such as religion, education, work, yadda yadda yadda) that promise to unite us, have driven us all further apart than before. We have all been categorized and compartmentalized into neat little identities which we subscribe to, with much zeal. The minute we take up that identity, then we cease to see ourselves as humans, but you, me and mrs jones. The minute we take up a socially defined identity, we find ourselves at odds with those who do not share this identity with us. And the thought of this possibility surely provides some discomfort.
I think the problem is with intentions. Every time we create an institution with the intention of doing something, we end up failing to do what we started out to do in the first place. Remember the IMF, Durai or Venerable Ming Yi? In stark contrast, when we try to suppress something that emerged universally, it comes back stronger than before. My favourite example is capitalism. Plainly put, a drive for money and success has turned Marxism on its head and given democracy a bad name in some places. Yet, it is so unerringly universal that no country in the world can escape from capitalism anymore.
Doesn't necessarily mean its a good thing, but it sure as hell is super consistent. Plainly put, ego and hubris have resulted in the humongous error of thinking that everything which we create and which we validate for each other is correct. Another seminal film, The Fight Club, proclaims that we made God in the image of our fathers. Yes, there may be divinity, but we have certainly perverted it with the centuries of bias in our construction of religion. Man is the architect of his own demise after all.
So Adam Smith was a political philosopher after all. The invisible hand is still the predominant force for organising society, whether economically or socially. Importantly, where do we go from here? Are we ready to let go of all the preconceived notions of identity we have found ourselves clinging on to for safety and security?
Are we ready to question every teaching, every notion that is passed on to us, just as Buddha demanded in the Dharmmapadda? (Yes, question even his own teachings, that was his mantra and a damn good one if you ask me.)
Ang Heng
Tonight I watched Sepet during research methods class. Its basically a love story between a malay girl and a chinese boy in Malaysia. While the topic it deals with is controversial enough, I find myself increasingly shocked by the simple beauty and elegance in a film made in Malaysia. I never thought I'd find myself impressed by Malaysian or Singaporean fim-making. But here I am, in RSIS, being taught several whole new lessons, the least of which is never to underestimate the creative prowess of very backward countries.
It is ironic, isn't it? That the very institutions (such as religion, education, work, yadda yadda yadda) that promise to unite us, have driven us all further apart than before. We have all been categorized and compartmentalized into neat little identities which we subscribe to, with much zeal. The minute we take up that identity, then we cease to see ourselves as humans, but you, me and mrs jones. The minute we take up a socially defined identity, we find ourselves at odds with those who do not share this identity with us. And the thought of this possibility surely provides some discomfort.
I think the problem is with intentions. Every time we create an institution with the intention of doing something, we end up failing to do what we started out to do in the first place. Remember the IMF, Durai or Venerable Ming Yi? In stark contrast, when we try to suppress something that emerged universally, it comes back stronger than before. My favourite example is capitalism. Plainly put, a drive for money and success has turned Marxism on its head and given democracy a bad name in some places. Yet, it is so unerringly universal that no country in the world can escape from capitalism anymore.
Doesn't necessarily mean its a good thing, but it sure as hell is super consistent. Plainly put, ego and hubris have resulted in the humongous error of thinking that everything which we create and which we validate for each other is correct. Another seminal film, The Fight Club, proclaims that we made God in the image of our fathers. Yes, there may be divinity, but we have certainly perverted it with the centuries of bias in our construction of religion. Man is the architect of his own demise after all.
So Adam Smith was a political philosopher after all. The invisible hand is still the predominant force for organising society, whether economically or socially. Importantly, where do we go from here? Are we ready to let go of all the preconceived notions of identity we have found ourselves clinging on to for safety and security?
Are we ready to question every teaching, every notion that is passed on to us, just as Buddha demanded in the Dharmmapadda? (Yes, question even his own teachings, that was his mantra and a damn good one if you ask me.)
Ang Heng
Friday, September 18, 2009
A Glimpse from Boomerang Road..
Hi guys, this is the long awaited pics of my dwelling. Sorry it took so long. damn busy with stuff.. The leaves are falling off for new flowers to bloom so when that happens i'll take more photos.
Those are the sights that greets me everyday when I wake up. I just realised my garden is a mini zoo. Plenty of wildlife. Can somebody pls identify the reptile in the pic? its damn big but not aggressive at all. I reckon there are at least 5 of those in my garden now.
Yes, we have to take out the thrash every week. haha.. ok that's all for now, next time I'll upload Uni pics..
Enjoy ur weekends!~
God Bless,
alvin
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
A conversation I had.
A conversation I had on MSN with my friend. It summarised the problems I have now and the frustration I face.
Note: Since this is a MSN conversation, it is really full of BAD ENGLISH. So if you are really hooked by the recent English we have going on in the blog. Please stop reading now.
“Blackburn aka Terence says:
family problem + work problem + Her = frustration
which one u wanna hear?
Friend Says:
whichever is bothering u most
Blackburn aka Terence says:
it is family actually
u see... i am like the guy in the house now. I am much more patient than both my sisters
but nowadays my parents and my sister keep quarreling
then i am always stuck in the middle
its hard for me
then i understand my parents are old and tired
so i kept thinking if i should help them in their business
should i just quit and help them...
it makes me feel like I am not doing the right thing when they are so busy and i am not helping them.
like i am a bad son
........that the end of the family problem
as for work... I feel torn too... cos i work with 2 seniors. A and B. A is the one that taught me at the start, but due to her position, she is not free or around most of her time. So I end up looking for B when i have problems. So every time, i feel torn between them when they do things differently. A is more strict. B is more relax
I try my best to follow A. But working as a team, I'll need B help too. Thus, it end up a bit political.
Really sucks. But I guess for this, i must really learn to cope with these issues
Friend Says:
yaa i guess it is unavoidable in the working world
Blackburn aka Terence says:
I believe i can handle it and become a better person
at least in the working world.
as for her....
i just feel that it is coming back
actually it was fine all along, as in we will go lunch in groups and stuff
and at those time, i know i like her but i really try to make it friendly
but then there was once when I have lunch alone with her.
IT WAS REALLY GOOD.
The problem of like having no topic is like gone, the problem of us having no chemistry does not seem to be true
I really felt happy
and as u know, we volunteered in the same group that day
after that day, i know I am getting the feeling back
but i tried to hide it
after the lunch, it seem impossible.
then even today, we have a bowling competition by our employer. Randomly we were chosen in the same team.
All in all, it was too good. too fun. too happy. And the feeling just HAD to be there.
and then i started to get worry to get scared. worry and scared of what is not even happening
I worry that if we get together, we may break up
i worry that if i ask her out, and she reject me, I may never dare to ask her again
i scared of what is not happening
or what could happen if all the "what if" happens. But I really feel like asking her out
but going forward, i realise the problem with me is that I am worried abt the "what if" in relationship. That is y i pressure myself to find the ONE and not anyone else.
and that is y I always end up giving up something that is almost there
hor that all the "almost there" is not successful.”
That is the end of the summary in an edited weird MSN format.
Life is never smooth sailing, try to think on bright side. - An advice from me to myself
Blackburn
Note: Since this is a MSN conversation, it is really full of BAD ENGLISH. So if you are really hooked by the recent English we have going on in the blog. Please stop reading now.
“Blackburn aka Terence says:
family problem + work problem + Her = frustration
which one u wanna hear?
Friend Says:
whichever is bothering u most
Blackburn aka Terence says:
it is family actually
u see... i am like the guy in the house now. I am much more patient than both my sisters
but nowadays my parents and my sister keep quarreling
then i am always stuck in the middle
its hard for me
then i understand my parents are old and tired
so i kept thinking if i should help them in their business
should i just quit and help them...
it makes me feel like I am not doing the right thing when they are so busy and i am not helping them.
like i am a bad son
........that the end of the family problem
as for work... I feel torn too... cos i work with 2 seniors. A and B. A is the one that taught me at the start, but due to her position, she is not free or around most of her time. So I end up looking for B when i have problems. So every time, i feel torn between them when they do things differently. A is more strict. B is more relax
I try my best to follow A. But working as a team, I'll need B help too. Thus, it end up a bit political.
Really sucks. But I guess for this, i must really learn to cope with these issues
Friend Says:
yaa i guess it is unavoidable in the working world
Blackburn aka Terence says:
I believe i can handle it and become a better person
at least in the working world.
as for her....
i just feel that it is coming back
actually it was fine all along, as in we will go lunch in groups and stuff
and at those time, i know i like her but i really try to make it friendly
but then there was once when I have lunch alone with her.
IT WAS REALLY GOOD.
The problem of like having no topic is like gone, the problem of us having no chemistry does not seem to be true
I really felt happy
and as u know, we volunteered in the same group that day
after that day, i know I am getting the feeling back
but i tried to hide it
after the lunch, it seem impossible.
then even today, we have a bowling competition by our employer. Randomly we were chosen in the same team.
All in all, it was too good. too fun. too happy. And the feeling just HAD to be there.
and then i started to get worry to get scared. worry and scared of what is not even happening
I worry that if we get together, we may break up
i worry that if i ask her out, and she reject me, I may never dare to ask her again
i scared of what is not happening
or what could happen if all the "what if" happens. But I really feel like asking her out
but going forward, i realise the problem with me is that I am worried abt the "what if" in relationship. That is y i pressure myself to find the ONE and not anyone else.
and that is y I always end up giving up something that is almost there
hor that all the "almost there" is not successful.”
That is the end of the summary in an edited weird MSN format.
Life is never smooth sailing, try to think on bright side. - An advice from me to myself
Blackburn
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Reincarnate now.
There are two types of running, as far as I'm concerned.
The first type is a form of escapism. You go out there and run as if the hounds of hell were after you. You don't stop until you're exhausted or something gives way, or sometimes both. That was what I used to do, I ran to forget and I ran to see when I'd break.
Lately, I've felt a change come over me. I'm starting to veer towards my second type of running. All you gotta do is set a target, then you chase it. Once you get it, you set a faster pace, longer distance and maybe more torturous route. Its all about looking forward. Its all about trying to break yourself in different ways each time, so that you come out of it a new man again.
I like this style more now. You gotta imagine someone you don't like, imagine he's running faster than you and you gotta beat him. You gotta outrun him, go faster than him and eventually, go faster than yourself.
I guess Newton's law has a part to play in my new philosophy to life now, ironically. F = MA. Achieve critical mass (be it physical or intellectual), keep accelerating, don't stop. Eventually, you'll be a force to be reckoned with.
Ang Heng
The first type is a form of escapism. You go out there and run as if the hounds of hell were after you. You don't stop until you're exhausted or something gives way, or sometimes both. That was what I used to do, I ran to forget and I ran to see when I'd break.
Lately, I've felt a change come over me. I'm starting to veer towards my second type of running. All you gotta do is set a target, then you chase it. Once you get it, you set a faster pace, longer distance and maybe more torturous route. Its all about looking forward. Its all about trying to break yourself in different ways each time, so that you come out of it a new man again.
I like this style more now. You gotta imagine someone you don't like, imagine he's running faster than you and you gotta beat him. You gotta outrun him, go faster than him and eventually, go faster than yourself.
I guess Newton's law has a part to play in my new philosophy to life now, ironically. F = MA. Achieve critical mass (be it physical or intellectual), keep accelerating, don't stop. Eventually, you'll be a force to be reckoned with.
Ang Heng
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
$1 Bread Loaf, Anyone?
Hi guys,
Firstly forgive me for not providing an update sooner. Setting up internet here is proving to be a test of patience and dexterity. I’ve just got a technician to set up a landline in my room and have applied for the internet. Unlike back in ‘you know where’, they can actually send a technician to set up everything for u. But over here they will send the modem to u and u are expected to call them to set it up. Thus, I haven’t been online at night. My biological clock is tuned to fit the sunrise and now I sleep at 10pm (which is 8pm for u guys) and wake up at 7am (5am).
How is everyone? Glad the blog is more active as usual with ang heng’s posts filled with technical terms. JJ we not Profs la can put in more layman terms anot. Other than the usual posters, where is ppl like Bing, psycho, teh, he quan, ben, mandy, du, and the rest? Tapi all post one-liners very happening man, gives me wonderful insights to your lives.
With alonso’s departure from pool, it emphasizes the need to move on in life and open a new chapter. I’m sad for pool, but elated for him. Haha.. see the parallels I’m drawing with my departure anot? Kong qiu la. Glad that u guys finally are going back ‘home’ to St wilfrid. Remember to jio matthew, tim and desmond. I too have found my soccer home at a field so surreal we have parrots grazing while we play. Pls come visit me here I guarantee the soccer experience of a lifetime. Even mandy can play non-stop for 4 hours in this weather where there is not a single drop of sweat nor smell on my shirt after 2 hours.
Over here they organised a NDP live telecast in a theatre where all Singaporeans are invited to watch the NDP live and say the pledge. Quite interesting. Over the course of my stay here, I met plenty of Singaporeans and Malaysians residing here long term. The numbers were much more than I expected. Btw my pastor looks like zidane. Haha..
Life in school is getting routine. Just did a project with a Sharapova lookalike who was a professional tennis player. Will show u guys photos, taller than me . haha..An interesting story to share is that the gauge of how liberal it is here can be exemplified by my female lecturer. In an audience of 400, and the course was film and television studies, she said the ‘F’ word in the mic when the film she was showing stopped halfway. Everyone laughed.
Food here is expensive, but groceries are a steal. I bought a 700mg loaf of bread for $1. For the uninitiated its twice the amount of gardenia bread and about 15-20 slices. The whole bbq chicken like those u find in cold storage is $8 and its huge. The best part is in cold storage u get bones on the inside, but here they actually put delicious filling!~ And u guys knows me right, if I say its filling means its filling.haha.. On the Kt side, the KFC here sux to the max. Expensive, extremely small and the whipped potato is dry and tasteless. Worst part is, u have to pay for tomato sauce! Siao ah.
Subway here is solid too, $7 for a footlong, cheaper a bit. The best is the movie tix. Coz of my concession, I watched District 9 (PETER JACKSON) for $6.50 on a weekend. And I dunno why, I think the ppl here dun like movies coz it was the opening day and the theatre was 30% filled.
On a more sombre note, anyone can update me on the 2 students killed by the train. It is damn near the place where I used to eat lunch everyday beside school. News feeds are scarce and details are sketchy so I’d appreciate it if got any interesting news to share. Btw I heard PS3 slim released liao and PS3 normal ones are cheaper now. All go buy liao mai tu!~~
K guys got to return to my assignments liao. Take care to all of u guys. I’m gonna join an unconventional CCA here if I mention u won’t believe it. It was too tempting and is a chance of a lifetime coz they don’t have it in Singapore. So stay tuned. Pics will be up in 2 weeks once my home internet is up. Send my regards to the sporty lao kip at st wilfrid and the dessert stall at Boon keng.
Till then, G’DAY MATES~!
alvin
Firstly forgive me for not providing an update sooner. Setting up internet here is proving to be a test of patience and dexterity. I’ve just got a technician to set up a landline in my room and have applied for the internet. Unlike back in ‘you know where’, they can actually send a technician to set up everything for u. But over here they will send the modem to u and u are expected to call them to set it up. Thus, I haven’t been online at night. My biological clock is tuned to fit the sunrise and now I sleep at 10pm (which is 8pm for u guys) and wake up at 7am (5am).
How is everyone? Glad the blog is more active as usual with ang heng’s posts filled with technical terms. JJ we not Profs la can put in more layman terms anot. Other than the usual posters, where is ppl like Bing, psycho, teh, he quan, ben, mandy, du, and the rest? Tapi all post one-liners very happening man, gives me wonderful insights to your lives.
With alonso’s departure from pool, it emphasizes the need to move on in life and open a new chapter. I’m sad for pool, but elated for him. Haha.. see the parallels I’m drawing with my departure anot? Kong qiu la. Glad that u guys finally are going back ‘home’ to St wilfrid. Remember to jio matthew, tim and desmond. I too have found my soccer home at a field so surreal we have parrots grazing while we play. Pls come visit me here I guarantee the soccer experience of a lifetime. Even mandy can play non-stop for 4 hours in this weather where there is not a single drop of sweat nor smell on my shirt after 2 hours.
Over here they organised a NDP live telecast in a theatre where all Singaporeans are invited to watch the NDP live and say the pledge. Quite interesting. Over the course of my stay here, I met plenty of Singaporeans and Malaysians residing here long term. The numbers were much more than I expected. Btw my pastor looks like zidane. Haha..
Life in school is getting routine. Just did a project with a Sharapova lookalike who was a professional tennis player. Will show u guys photos, taller than me . haha..An interesting story to share is that the gauge of how liberal it is here can be exemplified by my female lecturer. In an audience of 400, and the course was film and television studies, she said the ‘F’ word in the mic when the film she was showing stopped halfway. Everyone laughed.
Food here is expensive, but groceries are a steal. I bought a 700mg loaf of bread for $1. For the uninitiated its twice the amount of gardenia bread and about 15-20 slices. The whole bbq chicken like those u find in cold storage is $8 and its huge. The best part is in cold storage u get bones on the inside, but here they actually put delicious filling!~ And u guys knows me right, if I say its filling means its filling.haha.. On the Kt side, the KFC here sux to the max. Expensive, extremely small and the whipped potato is dry and tasteless. Worst part is, u have to pay for tomato sauce! Siao ah.
Subway here is solid too, $7 for a footlong, cheaper a bit. The best is the movie tix. Coz of my concession, I watched District 9 (PETER JACKSON) for $6.50 on a weekend. And I dunno why, I think the ppl here dun like movies coz it was the opening day and the theatre was 30% filled.
On a more sombre note, anyone can update me on the 2 students killed by the train. It is damn near the place where I used to eat lunch everyday beside school. News feeds are scarce and details are sketchy so I’d appreciate it if got any interesting news to share. Btw I heard PS3 slim released liao and PS3 normal ones are cheaper now. All go buy liao mai tu!~~
K guys got to return to my assignments liao. Take care to all of u guys. I’m gonna join an unconventional CCA here if I mention u won’t believe it. It was too tempting and is a chance of a lifetime coz they don’t have it in Singapore. So stay tuned. Pics will be up in 2 weeks once my home internet is up. Send my regards to the sporty lao kip at st wilfrid and the dessert stall at Boon keng.
Till then, G’DAY MATES~!
alvin
Moral High Ground
Our conversation over supper tonight (or last night) was quite stimulating. To say the least. 3 Words: Moral High Ground.
There is a stark difference between saying something and being something. Language is already a first degree deference from the subject. The more we talk about something, the further we are from the reality of it. That is po-mo mumbo jumbo I know, but its true. This is why we talk isn't it? To vent out emotions which cannot be healthy if left unchecked. If we want less decadence, we must talk about decadence a great deal more, to internalise it into the social system and to innoculate ourselves by exposure to the subject. Victorian society is proof of that.
The biggest misunderstanding of GMH is underestimating our ability to codeswitch. We are (or most of us are, at any rate) able to switch our behaviour between differing circumstances because of our (again, most of our) inherently mutli-faceted personalities. Want to di siao? No problem. Want to talk sense? Why not? Intellectual conversation? Bring it on.
Remember, culture has a tendency to permeate society from high (brow) to low (brow). Ideologies arise from the lower masses, only to gain traction with the middle and upper classes at a later date. Not to forget, change is frequently a result of the dialectic. So, we must be aware of both below and above, by straddling the middle. I, for one, am trying not to allow myself to be enclosed within one mind-frame at a time. Its not an easy thing to do, but effort (not condemnation) is good enough.
Empathy (and verstehen) is the one thing that makes us human.
Ang Heng
There is a stark difference between saying something and being something. Language is already a first degree deference from the subject. The more we talk about something, the further we are from the reality of it. That is po-mo mumbo jumbo I know, but its true. This is why we talk isn't it? To vent out emotions which cannot be healthy if left unchecked. If we want less decadence, we must talk about decadence a great deal more, to internalise it into the social system and to innoculate ourselves by exposure to the subject. Victorian society is proof of that.
The biggest misunderstanding of GMH is underestimating our ability to codeswitch. We are (or most of us are, at any rate) able to switch our behaviour between differing circumstances because of our (again, most of our) inherently mutli-faceted personalities. Want to di siao? No problem. Want to talk sense? Why not? Intellectual conversation? Bring it on.
Remember, culture has a tendency to permeate society from high (brow) to low (brow). Ideologies arise from the lower masses, only to gain traction with the middle and upper classes at a later date. Not to forget, change is frequently a result of the dialectic. So, we must be aware of both below and above, by straddling the middle. I, for one, am trying not to allow myself to be enclosed within one mind-frame at a time. Its not an easy thing to do, but effort (not condemnation) is good enough.
Empathy (and verstehen) is the one thing that makes us human.
Ang Heng
Saturday, August 15, 2009
On a long and lonesome highway east of Omaha.
Driving down the highway at 120kph, with the sweet, sweet sounds of a fender telecaster thinline fed through an ibanez tube-screamer and hooked up to a marshall stack.
When was the last time you felt as if you didn't have to give a piss about the state of the world (and its unfortunate inhabitants) today?
I have never been able to lose myself to the moment (In fact, I find it hard to lose myself to or in anything non-geographic in nature). In consolation, I have always been able to find myself in the moment. Then lose the moment in its entirety. Thus I spend too much time being mindful of my consciousness, hoping that when the moment comes, I can appreciate it beyond its descriptive value as a measure of time past.
Of course, being overly conscious of the self accentuates that inability to lose yourself, even if it may allow deeper introspection at that crucial moment.
So I had to write, before I lose the moment again. That feeling of having all arrows point forward and not having to care about the rear-view mirror because it hardly differed from the front, yet it had to defer to the front. The feeling of speed, freedom and that slight tugging on your heart every time that telecaster hit a high note and faded off with whammy-induced reverb.
I had to write because I wanted to turn the moment into momentum.
Ang Heng
When was the last time you felt as if you didn't have to give a piss about the state of the world (and its unfortunate inhabitants) today?
I have never been able to lose myself to the moment (In fact, I find it hard to lose myself to or in anything non-geographic in nature). In consolation, I have always been able to find myself in the moment. Then lose the moment in its entirety. Thus I spend too much time being mindful of my consciousness, hoping that when the moment comes, I can appreciate it beyond its descriptive value as a measure of time past.
Of course, being overly conscious of the self accentuates that inability to lose yourself, even if it may allow deeper introspection at that crucial moment.
So I had to write, before I lose the moment again. That feeling of having all arrows point forward and not having to care about the rear-view mirror because it hardly differed from the front, yet it had to defer to the front. The feeling of speed, freedom and that slight tugging on your heart every time that telecaster hit a high note and faded off with whammy-induced reverb.
I had to write because I wanted to turn the moment into momentum.
Ang Heng
Sunday, August 09, 2009
NEW BALL!
In the loving memory of
yet another ball to kena the chee-ba-boom treatment,
we welcome this pweety little thing into our family!
hehhh! pretty boh? $22 nia, I used it today at The Cage liao..
kayy, now jobless abit eng, cya guys tmr!
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!
HUAT AH!
*amendi*
Thursday, August 06, 2009
The nightmare has started...
Hello,
It has been a long time since I wrote anything for the blog. Cos I’m dead tired, emotionally and physically. Too many things have happened since I started work. It was supposed to be good. And initially it was good until I had too many “complications” in my mind.
Before I start on the complications, I just want to thank Amendi for recovering my beautiful “EMO” posts.
And also to Alonso, glad you have found some light in your life now. Enjoy while you can. Seriously I thought of going over to, working has drained the soul out of my life. Sometimes I really have the Deja Vu feel that you talk about. Am I trying too hard to prove myself? Nowadays, I sleep on the bus to work, on the bus back home. Reach home, I also sleep at 11+. Very tired. And I am only into my 2nd month at work, how am I going to Tahan the next 10 mths?
Many of you must be thinking, this is life, this is work! So bear with it! But is this really the life that we study so hard for and work so hard towards? Anyway, I am not the kind of guy that call it quits so early on. But there is other stuff, other complications that is draining me...
Firstly, I am just starting to have my first-hand politics. Talk too much – kana complain. Listen to music with ear piece on – ALSO cannot (Whenever I listen, I am quiet k? – Get the irony). Furthermore, the songs I listen to are Linkin Park Songs, Justin Timberlake Songs and Other R&B hip hop songs and THEY EXPECT ME TO NOT USE EAR PIECE. I think the fact that I am using ear piece is that I am just being considerate! The next worse thing is that I am sitting next to the director office and in front of the compliance team. Whatever I do, sure kana backstab by people. The fact is I already did not use the internet for personal stuff (other than a particular Friday searching for movie – And Kana Seen by my “Xiao-Lao-Ban” using it, Never use it for any personal use) and just trying my best to enjoy DOING THE SAME WORK OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And still I kana complained. Laugh too loud also cannot. Too restrictive. Not use to it.
Secondly, I worked 25 hrs of FOC OT for my company last month. If I am paid, I got nothing to say. BUT IT IS ALL FOC!
Before I end, I hope to meet up with GMH guys soon! And my army friends too! The only group of friends whom I think really knows me. As well as my bestie!
Ps. Sorry for all the wrong use of English words and sentence structure. Pls bear with it.
Blackburn
It has been a long time since I wrote anything for the blog. Cos I’m dead tired, emotionally and physically. Too many things have happened since I started work. It was supposed to be good. And initially it was good until I had too many “complications” in my mind.
Before I start on the complications, I just want to thank Amendi for recovering my beautiful “EMO” posts.
And also to Alonso, glad you have found some light in your life now. Enjoy while you can. Seriously I thought of going over to, working has drained the soul out of my life. Sometimes I really have the Deja Vu feel that you talk about. Am I trying too hard to prove myself? Nowadays, I sleep on the bus to work, on the bus back home. Reach home, I also sleep at 11+. Very tired. And I am only into my 2nd month at work, how am I going to Tahan the next 10 mths?
Many of you must be thinking, this is life, this is work! So bear with it! But is this really the life that we study so hard for and work so hard towards? Anyway, I am not the kind of guy that call it quits so early on. But there is other stuff, other complications that is draining me...
Firstly, I am just starting to have my first-hand politics. Talk too much – kana complain. Listen to music with ear piece on – ALSO cannot (Whenever I listen, I am quiet k? – Get the irony). Furthermore, the songs I listen to are Linkin Park Songs, Justin Timberlake Songs and Other R&B hip hop songs and THEY EXPECT ME TO NOT USE EAR PIECE. I think the fact that I am using ear piece is that I am just being considerate! The next worse thing is that I am sitting next to the director office and in front of the compliance team. Whatever I do, sure kana backstab by people. The fact is I already did not use the internet for personal stuff (other than a particular Friday searching for movie – And Kana Seen by my “Xiao-Lao-Ban” using it, Never use it for any personal use) and just trying my best to enjoy DOING THE SAME WORK OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And still I kana complained. Laugh too loud also cannot. Too restrictive. Not use to it.
Secondly, I worked 25 hrs of FOC OT for my company last month. If I am paid, I got nothing to say. BUT IT IS ALL FOC!
Before I end, I hope to meet up with GMH guys soon! And my army friends too! The only group of friends whom I think really knows me. As well as my bestie!
Ps. Sorry for all the wrong use of English words and sentence structure. Pls bear with it.
Blackburn
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Viva La Revol-ve-ution!
You know Singapore is a damn small country when you get deja vu frequently.
First was watching movies. For some reason, walking down the row of cinemas, each with their digital displays announcing the title of the movie, reminds me of a dream I've had before. Then again, like any theatre of war, cinemas today vary only in the differing brands of sex and violence they are serving.
Second time was my lecture at rsis. I kept getting this strange feeling I've seen these people before, been in that lecture before, and studied the same stuff before. However, there may be a logical explanation for this. Any graduate of the social sciences will tell you that a lecture on research methods is bound to bring on deja vu.
I remember a scene in the matrix. The one with the black cat, and with keanu reeves muttering 'deja vu' (whoa, stoic as ever). An omen of change to come? I don't believe in omens. The simulacrum? Maybe. A copy of a copy may just become truth and reality. Where am I going with this? I don't know. They say hell is repetition. I think repetition is hell. All I know is that 'everyday is exactly the same' and it is the conflict from the breaking of the cycle that change begins.
Then again, this could all just be the result of 1000 pages of readings a week and that constant ghost of a nagging at the back of my head, telling me to frigging get my act (and dissertation topic) together. Ever poked a scab and felt good everytime you felt that little numbing pain? Now blow that up a thousand folds and welcome to my world. I love what I'm doing, but it is accompanied by the numbing sort of fatigue at the end of each day. Reading the papers in the morning is a whole new sensation now.
I don't know how this got started, but I know exactly how it will end.
Ang Heng
First was watching movies. For some reason, walking down the row of cinemas, each with their digital displays announcing the title of the movie, reminds me of a dream I've had before. Then again, like any theatre of war, cinemas today vary only in the differing brands of sex and violence they are serving.
Second time was my lecture at rsis. I kept getting this strange feeling I've seen these people before, been in that lecture before, and studied the same stuff before. However, there may be a logical explanation for this. Any graduate of the social sciences will tell you that a lecture on research methods is bound to bring on deja vu.
I remember a scene in the matrix. The one with the black cat, and with keanu reeves muttering 'deja vu' (whoa, stoic as ever). An omen of change to come? I don't believe in omens. The simulacrum? Maybe. A copy of a copy may just become truth and reality. Where am I going with this? I don't know. They say hell is repetition. I think repetition is hell. All I know is that 'everyday is exactly the same' and it is the conflict from the breaking of the cycle that change begins.
Then again, this could all just be the result of 1000 pages of readings a week and that constant ghost of a nagging at the back of my head, telling me to frigging get my act (and dissertation topic) together. Ever poked a scab and felt good everytime you felt that little numbing pain? Now blow that up a thousand folds and welcome to my world. I love what I'm doing, but it is accompanied by the numbing sort of fatigue at the end of each day. Reading the papers in the morning is a whole new sensation now.
I don't know how this got started, but I know exactly how it will end.
Ang Heng
Sunday, July 26, 2009
ST WILFRED HERE WE COMEEEE!!!
Hello peeps!
After months of searching for steadip courts to play, from Hougang to Sembawang to Toa Payoh... FINALLYYYYYYY..........................
I'VE BOOKED ST WILFRED TO MAKE OUR MUCH AWAITED COMEBACK!!
It's still $23.20 per 2 hr slot=)
PLEASE BLOCK OUT THESE DATES YA.. THANKS!!
SUNDAY, 16 AUGUST 2009
1pm-3pm FIELD 3
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SUNDAY, 23 AUGUST 2009
1pm-3pm FIELD 3
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SUNDAY, 30 AUGUST 2009
1pm-3pm FIELD 3
-----
reply for your attendance! TIA!
Organiser for August
*amendi*
Thursday, July 16, 2009
From Brisbane, with love
First of all,
I really wish to thank Binghan, Amendi, Psycho and lulu for making the effort to come all the way to the airport to send me off. I was really touched and surprised u guys managed to make it. Especially those workin and studying..thank you guys, I really appreciated it. Hope the Crystal Jade Dinner was good enough for you guys..haha.. first time I feel the power of a credit card..
Before I go further , I would like to thank mandy, teh, ah du, talen, edward, benny for sending me well wishes before I left. Thank you so much and hope u understand that I had too much things on my mind to reply. So sorry and thanks a million for all your well wishes! those at the airport can vouch I almost missed my flight.haha..too teary farewell..haha..
Thanks puiwen,kz,cheryl for last min try to organise supper the last night..next time u all come here I treat u..haha..
Jun Jie and Nanba thanks for the msg before u left..hope u guys had a great time at redang..next stop Great barrier reef liao..
its winter now. when u go out on the streets its like ppl blowing aircon to ur face. its that cold.. but the sun is so glaring that you can get sunburnt..haha..sunburnt in winter...sounds funny right? its dark at 430pm and bright at 5am.
the ppl here are super frenly. no racism stuff or either that they hide it too well..many asians are here but the best thing about it is that its nice and quiet and peaceful..
the uni is like buildings in a park. with lakes and birds roaming in the middle..I can sit by the lake all day and look at the swans swimming..haha..
At night u can see the stars very clearly. however not the milky way yet, i'm still lookin out for it. i'll post pics once i can..can picture myself working here for the next 10 yrs liao..haha..kong qiu..
As some of u might know I took a great risk in not securing accommodation before i came here. But by god's grace I found a beautiful place.
Its 5 min walk to Uni and amenities. Its a landed property extremely cozy house, nice and quiet. The owner is a 70 yr old man who lives alone, Christian and is a retired lecturer at the University. He is still an honarary member there! all for 200a week! which means split with my fren $100 a week! compared to ppl paying $200 plus person! I really thank god for this. How many ppl can say that they secured accommodation the 2nd day of touching down at a landed property no less!
Only Kt is if u guys come there won't be space for u. so no choice.haha.I met jack and his gf today and he brought me grocery shopping and we ate at a super nice Jap place. next time bring u guys there. the portion is huge!he is coming back liao but the fun thing is that he is going skydiving with his gf this sat! cool boh!?
After dinner he went to play soccer in the super cold weather. Wanted to join him but better wait for parents to go back first haha..so my debut is going to be this sunday.
I'm stayin in the hotel now and its alright. I stayed one night at a serviced apartment and it was the best place i ever stayed in. Kt is the cost so we only stayed one night.
I really wish you guys will come find me on the holidays. I just found out holidays will be in NOV to FEB so pls come ..can book now~~! haha..ok i gtg..take care everyone and thanks for all your well wishes and prayers.
Ill post pics and update when and if i can.
god bless,
alvin
I really wish to thank Binghan, Amendi, Psycho and lulu for making the effort to come all the way to the airport to send me off. I was really touched and surprised u guys managed to make it. Especially those workin and studying..thank you guys, I really appreciated it. Hope the Crystal Jade Dinner was good enough for you guys..haha.. first time I feel the power of a credit card..
Before I go further , I would like to thank mandy, teh, ah du, talen, edward, benny for sending me well wishes before I left. Thank you so much and hope u understand that I had too much things on my mind to reply. So sorry and thanks a million for all your well wishes! those at the airport can vouch I almost missed my flight.haha..too teary farewell..haha..
Thanks puiwen,kz,cheryl for last min try to organise supper the last night..next time u all come here I treat u..haha..
Jun Jie and Nanba thanks for the msg before u left..hope u guys had a great time at redang..next stop Great barrier reef liao..
its winter now. when u go out on the streets its like ppl blowing aircon to ur face. its that cold.. but the sun is so glaring that you can get sunburnt..haha..sunburnt in winter...sounds funny right? its dark at 430pm and bright at 5am.
the ppl here are super frenly. no racism stuff or either that they hide it too well..many asians are here but the best thing about it is that its nice and quiet and peaceful..
the uni is like buildings in a park. with lakes and birds roaming in the middle..I can sit by the lake all day and look at the swans swimming..haha..
At night u can see the stars very clearly. however not the milky way yet, i'm still lookin out for it. i'll post pics once i can..can picture myself working here for the next 10 yrs liao..haha..kong qiu..
As some of u might know I took a great risk in not securing accommodation before i came here. But by god's grace I found a beautiful place.
Its 5 min walk to Uni and amenities. Its a landed property extremely cozy house, nice and quiet. The owner is a 70 yr old man who lives alone, Christian and is a retired lecturer at the University. He is still an honarary member there! all for 200a week! which means split with my fren $100 a week! compared to ppl paying $200 plus person! I really thank god for this. How many ppl can say that they secured accommodation the 2nd day of touching down at a landed property no less!
Only Kt is if u guys come there won't be space for u. so no choice.haha.I met jack and his gf today and he brought me grocery shopping and we ate at a super nice Jap place. next time bring u guys there. the portion is huge!he is coming back liao but the fun thing is that he is going skydiving with his gf this sat! cool boh!?
After dinner he went to play soccer in the super cold weather. Wanted to join him but better wait for parents to go back first haha..so my debut is going to be this sunday.
I'm stayin in the hotel now and its alright. I stayed one night at a serviced apartment and it was the best place i ever stayed in. Kt is the cost so we only stayed one night.
I really wish you guys will come find me on the holidays. I just found out holidays will be in NOV to FEB so pls come ..can book now~~! haha..ok i gtg..take care everyone and thanks for all your well wishes and prayers.
Ill post pics and update when and if i can.
god bless,
alvin
Monday, July 13, 2009
A Tug at the Heart-Strings...
Disclaimer: this is gonna be a lengthy post filled with grammatical and spelling errors to get my thoughts out as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Two and a half decades is too long for anyone to be stuck at a certain red dot. It’s stifling and suffocating to say the least. How many more two and a half decades does a person have? In MJ’s case, just 2. And I’m already halfway there.
I really really really wish to be like the majority, be safe and secure for the rest of my life, leading a monotonous life being fully contented knowing what tomorrow will bring. Most people hate changes, they fear stepping out of their comfort zones. Thus they force themselves to be contented and happy, to the point of not knowing what happiness is about any more.
That really scares me. A lot.
I’m extremely tired and weary about waking up to the same surroundings, eating the same food, seeing the same ppl over and over and over again. When I was in NS, I promised myself never to find myself in the same situation where I simply go through the motions day after day, night after night, to the point of losing track of time. When I wake up, I hear the same birds chirping and crows crowing amid the backdrop of crowd chatter and constant drilling and cars driving past. Its like time has stood still and I’m trying to break free. As much as we detest change, we need it to keep things fresh and survive. If not, we are as good as brain dead.
The decision to leave was, at the beginning, very difficult as my ‘Typical Singaporean Mindset’ kicked in. Will it be safe? Racism? Friends? What if this and wat if that? Immediately I thought of NS. We didn’t have a choice, yet we grit through it and tell me if there are people who didn’t learn a thing in NS.
It’s the sort of ‘boh pian’ that brings unexpected rewards that people who had a choice will never be able to receive. Looking back, I really thank the army for making the person I am today, and I am 100% certain all the guys will agree with me. Those who never pruned on cow dung in India’s wasteland at 3.12am in absolute darkness don’t complain.
Statistics and facts don’t lie. If cream of the crop choose to leave, there must be something out there worth exploring. Come to think of it, even the so called ‘average’ ppl are leaving not because they cannot make a living here, but because they can make more than a living elsewhere. Those are the kind of opportunities that lay outside the well.
If I had chosen to stay, I can already picture myself the next 4 years. Study my ass off, try my utmost, and probably end up being average with FTs around. For the uninitiated, I have never slogged as hard for my A levels compared to the rest of my life. Needing 6 months to rebuild the foundation of a syllabus I last took 7 years ago was no mean feat. Although my grades were average and not good enough for most local unis, I can honestly say I have tried my best and have absolutely no regrets. That was the best I could offer. If it isn’t good enough, there is nothing else I could have done.
I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to each and everyone of you. And I really mean each and everyone of you who have played a role in my life in one way or another. You may or may not realize that you have made a significant difference in my life.
God has convicted me of the things I have done in the past to hurt others. There is nothing I can do to change the past, but I pray for the forgiveness of those I’ve hurt or am still hurting. Everyone is a sinner, me and you, but its up to you alone to decide to raise your hand up and admit your sins to God. It takes a lot of humility.
When I first became Christian, I always thought that its between me and God, whatever I do wrong he will convict me. But I was wrong. He wants to use me to reach out to others. But I think I’ve failed miserably. The fault is mine and mine alone. I will be the first to acknowledge that I’m not perfect. I have not done enough to reach out to you guys at all.
How I wish anyone of you guys would think ‘ hey look at how Alvin changed since he became Christian! God must be real! ‘ and approach me to ask about the bible or follow me to church. Unfortunately that has not happened in the last 4 years. I think I have not changed enough to reach that level. The failure is mine and mine alone, no ones else’s. And since I can’t even reach out to the people closest to me, I have no right to stay.
I don’t mean to offend anyone, but pls allow me to share a bit about god. As you all know I hit my lowest pt in the army. One day out of the blue when I was lying in the bunk staring into space, my bunkmate came over and talked to me about god. He challenged me to pray with an open heart and see the miracles he has planned for me. I was already at the bottom so I thought why not since I had nothing to lose?
So I prayed that night for the very first time. “God, if u are real, show me something supernatural as I am human and can only believe in things I can see. If you can do that, I will give my life to u.”
A few days later in the very same bunk, I met him.
There is emptiness in all of our hearts, its just how well people hide it or put on a front to suppress it. The so called proud will never show it out and very often the people who acknowledge that they do have that emptiness will turn to other ways to try and fill that hole.
I know because I was one of them. I smoked and gambled and did anything to fill that void. It worked, momentarily as we engage in that temporary reprieve. In that instant of partying or euphoria experienced, that emptiness is forgotten.
Problem is, when we all go home and lie in our beds at night, tossing and turning, trying to sleep, you realize that nothing has changed. The emptiness is still there, every damn night.
So people brush it off, trying to ignore it by doing more stuff to suppress it, pretend it isn’t there. The worst thing that can happen is that we start to accept that emptiness as part and parcel of life that can never be filled.
Day after day, night after night, emptiness overwhelms us. Everything evolves around looking for substitutes, be it smoking or simply hanging out with friends.
When I look at the people around me, I feel saddened not by those who know they have that void, but rather by those too proud to admit it. Always putting up a front as if in total control of everything when deep down, the hole is gaping.
Guys, there is nothing more I can do or say other than to challenge you to say the very same thing I said. ‘God if you are real, give me a sign’. I cannot force you to believe and honestly don’t expect you to simply by reading the words I type.
For those who watched the matrix, its something like that. No amount of persuasion or description can adequately portray god. You got to experience yourself and pray with a believing heart. Remember, you have absolutely nothing to lose. If you don’t feel the calling, by all means carry on your daily lives but pls remember jesus is always there 24/7. Just a prayer away.
I wish to emphasize that I’m not putting anyone’s religion down, just offering an alternative. If you have other gods and have been praying to them and feel that after 25 yrs of praying to them there is nothing lacking, I don’t blame you if choose not to believe. For myself it took me more than 20 years to realize I should not kid myself anymore and that it wasn’t working. Those who are really interested you know my Msn, or do wat I did last time, church hopping alone and find one that u think its suitable. From experience, as long as u sit in the corner, no one will come and disturb u.
Back to my decision to leave, the easy option was of course to stay. But I prayed about it and I feel he has been opening and closing doors for me and UQ was a door that offered me the best deal. Cheapest course fees comparable to local 4 year ones, 2 yr degree and a chance of a lifetime to step out of my comfort zone. Like I mentioned to some of you guys, I’m already 25, my parents are not getting younger. If I don’t leave now, when will I leave? When I’m 30 plus and lethargic with a heavy heart of leaving my aged parents? I believe this is the perfect time to go.
I honestly don’t know if or when I’ll be back. I may just come back after 2 yrs or simply stay there. Either way its up to him and u guys can come visit me anytime. By then u guys will have the financial muscles. Haha..
I really wish those who have contemplated leaving but have no courage to do so will take my departure as an encouragement. Of course the perfect excuse will be recession, everywhere the same, no money, lack of experience who would wanna employ etc. You and I both know that if we really put our heart and soul to it, that’s gibberish. People with less qualifications have been working overseas and some of them are people we all know!
Of course if you are totally contented to stay here, by all means. I’m not saying everyone should go. But for those who really want to go, work a few years overseas and if you don’t like it, come back! No one’s forcing you to migrate..haha..
Other than that, I really don’t see an issue with my departure. Soccer wise Jack will be my replacement along with matt tim and des. Supper wise my car will be replaced by ang heng’s Honda with Honda. By then talen will love to drive and those without cars will have enough to buy one ..haha..Left 4 dead still can play online with me mah. I think u all will probably miss my organizing of buffets and perhaps Christmas gifts lor. Haha..easily replaceable la no worries. My tisiao lor..haha and my smelly shirt when I play soccer..lihai boh.. I will skin the Aussies with that when playing soccer there.
I dun foresee anyone getting married within a short span unless of course tiao kias. When IR opens pls bar the appropriate members from entering. I dun wan to receive a call in the middle of the night in Brisbane asking for telegraphic transfer to save someone’s butt halfway round the world.
That’s about it. Those starting work I pray that you’ll find one that you truly enjoy and not one that you toil for that attractive salary which you will spend eventually on healthcare 20 years down the road coz of the stress and unhappiness accumulated over the years.
For those studying to obviously try your best and not have any regrets! If all goes well come here lor.. yi qi liao lor!~~ for those emo, you and I both know there is no one who can help u, temporarily perhaps, but for a perm fix, refer to paragraphs 5 to 6.
So farewell ppl, as I begin my exciting new chapter of my life, I really wish u guys will have the courage to do the same or even join me. I leave with many fond memories of you guys. Come to think of it, its not such a big deal. We are so connected through the internet, u guys are just 7 hrs away from visiting me. Just treat it as I’m going into a 2 yr long hibernation period with an option to extend.
My wish before I leave is that you guys will constantly update this blog with pictures or anything! Just a simple one liner or something everyday will mean a lot to me so at least I feel connected to you guys. Just update me on ur lives or kips or anything at all! Best if u guys can upload the goal of the week like BPL during the weekly soccer sessions. Boh la kong qiu.
I feel truly blessed and grateful for the people in my life.
May God bless each and everyone of you.
I leave you with this phrase from the bible as I hope you guys will remember whenever you all meet up to encourage each other and not speak ill of others and put them down. It speaks of love generally but in this case brotherly and sisterly love between friends:
1 Corinthians 13:4
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God bless,
alvin
13/07/2009
Two and a half decades is too long for anyone to be stuck at a certain red dot. It’s stifling and suffocating to say the least. How many more two and a half decades does a person have? In MJ’s case, just 2. And I’m already halfway there.
I really really really wish to be like the majority, be safe and secure for the rest of my life, leading a monotonous life being fully contented knowing what tomorrow will bring. Most people hate changes, they fear stepping out of their comfort zones. Thus they force themselves to be contented and happy, to the point of not knowing what happiness is about any more.
That really scares me. A lot.
I’m extremely tired and weary about waking up to the same surroundings, eating the same food, seeing the same ppl over and over and over again. When I was in NS, I promised myself never to find myself in the same situation where I simply go through the motions day after day, night after night, to the point of losing track of time. When I wake up, I hear the same birds chirping and crows crowing amid the backdrop of crowd chatter and constant drilling and cars driving past. Its like time has stood still and I’m trying to break free. As much as we detest change, we need it to keep things fresh and survive. If not, we are as good as brain dead.
The decision to leave was, at the beginning, very difficult as my ‘Typical Singaporean Mindset’ kicked in. Will it be safe? Racism? Friends? What if this and wat if that? Immediately I thought of NS. We didn’t have a choice, yet we grit through it and tell me if there are people who didn’t learn a thing in NS.
It’s the sort of ‘boh pian’ that brings unexpected rewards that people who had a choice will never be able to receive. Looking back, I really thank the army for making the person I am today, and I am 100% certain all the guys will agree with me. Those who never pruned on cow dung in India’s wasteland at 3.12am in absolute darkness don’t complain.
Statistics and facts don’t lie. If cream of the crop choose to leave, there must be something out there worth exploring. Come to think of it, even the so called ‘average’ ppl are leaving not because they cannot make a living here, but because they can make more than a living elsewhere. Those are the kind of opportunities that lay outside the well.
If I had chosen to stay, I can already picture myself the next 4 years. Study my ass off, try my utmost, and probably end up being average with FTs around. For the uninitiated, I have never slogged as hard for my A levels compared to the rest of my life. Needing 6 months to rebuild the foundation of a syllabus I last took 7 years ago was no mean feat. Although my grades were average and not good enough for most local unis, I can honestly say I have tried my best and have absolutely no regrets. That was the best I could offer. If it isn’t good enough, there is nothing else I could have done.
I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude to each and everyone of you. And I really mean each and everyone of you who have played a role in my life in one way or another. You may or may not realize that you have made a significant difference in my life.
God has convicted me of the things I have done in the past to hurt others. There is nothing I can do to change the past, but I pray for the forgiveness of those I’ve hurt or am still hurting. Everyone is a sinner, me and you, but its up to you alone to decide to raise your hand up and admit your sins to God. It takes a lot of humility.
When I first became Christian, I always thought that its between me and God, whatever I do wrong he will convict me. But I was wrong. He wants to use me to reach out to others. But I think I’ve failed miserably. The fault is mine and mine alone. I will be the first to acknowledge that I’m not perfect. I have not done enough to reach out to you guys at all.
How I wish anyone of you guys would think ‘ hey look at how Alvin changed since he became Christian! God must be real! ‘ and approach me to ask about the bible or follow me to church. Unfortunately that has not happened in the last 4 years. I think I have not changed enough to reach that level. The failure is mine and mine alone, no ones else’s. And since I can’t even reach out to the people closest to me, I have no right to stay.
I don’t mean to offend anyone, but pls allow me to share a bit about god. As you all know I hit my lowest pt in the army. One day out of the blue when I was lying in the bunk staring into space, my bunkmate came over and talked to me about god. He challenged me to pray with an open heart and see the miracles he has planned for me. I was already at the bottom so I thought why not since I had nothing to lose?
So I prayed that night for the very first time. “God, if u are real, show me something supernatural as I am human and can only believe in things I can see. If you can do that, I will give my life to u.”
A few days later in the very same bunk, I met him.
There is emptiness in all of our hearts, its just how well people hide it or put on a front to suppress it. The so called proud will never show it out and very often the people who acknowledge that they do have that emptiness will turn to other ways to try and fill that hole.
I know because I was one of them. I smoked and gambled and did anything to fill that void. It worked, momentarily as we engage in that temporary reprieve. In that instant of partying or euphoria experienced, that emptiness is forgotten.
Problem is, when we all go home and lie in our beds at night, tossing and turning, trying to sleep, you realize that nothing has changed. The emptiness is still there, every damn night.
So people brush it off, trying to ignore it by doing more stuff to suppress it, pretend it isn’t there. The worst thing that can happen is that we start to accept that emptiness as part and parcel of life that can never be filled.
Day after day, night after night, emptiness overwhelms us. Everything evolves around looking for substitutes, be it smoking or simply hanging out with friends.
When I look at the people around me, I feel saddened not by those who know they have that void, but rather by those too proud to admit it. Always putting up a front as if in total control of everything when deep down, the hole is gaping.
Guys, there is nothing more I can do or say other than to challenge you to say the very same thing I said. ‘God if you are real, give me a sign’. I cannot force you to believe and honestly don’t expect you to simply by reading the words I type.
For those who watched the matrix, its something like that. No amount of persuasion or description can adequately portray god. You got to experience yourself and pray with a believing heart. Remember, you have absolutely nothing to lose. If you don’t feel the calling, by all means carry on your daily lives but pls remember jesus is always there 24/7. Just a prayer away.
I wish to emphasize that I’m not putting anyone’s religion down, just offering an alternative. If you have other gods and have been praying to them and feel that after 25 yrs of praying to them there is nothing lacking, I don’t blame you if choose not to believe. For myself it took me more than 20 years to realize I should not kid myself anymore and that it wasn’t working. Those who are really interested you know my Msn, or do wat I did last time, church hopping alone and find one that u think its suitable. From experience, as long as u sit in the corner, no one will come and disturb u.
Back to my decision to leave, the easy option was of course to stay. But I prayed about it and I feel he has been opening and closing doors for me and UQ was a door that offered me the best deal. Cheapest course fees comparable to local 4 year ones, 2 yr degree and a chance of a lifetime to step out of my comfort zone. Like I mentioned to some of you guys, I’m already 25, my parents are not getting younger. If I don’t leave now, when will I leave? When I’m 30 plus and lethargic with a heavy heart of leaving my aged parents? I believe this is the perfect time to go.
I honestly don’t know if or when I’ll be back. I may just come back after 2 yrs or simply stay there. Either way its up to him and u guys can come visit me anytime. By then u guys will have the financial muscles. Haha..
I really wish those who have contemplated leaving but have no courage to do so will take my departure as an encouragement. Of course the perfect excuse will be recession, everywhere the same, no money, lack of experience who would wanna employ etc. You and I both know that if we really put our heart and soul to it, that’s gibberish. People with less qualifications have been working overseas and some of them are people we all know!
Of course if you are totally contented to stay here, by all means. I’m not saying everyone should go. But for those who really want to go, work a few years overseas and if you don’t like it, come back! No one’s forcing you to migrate..haha..
Other than that, I really don’t see an issue with my departure. Soccer wise Jack will be my replacement along with matt tim and des. Supper wise my car will be replaced by ang heng’s Honda with Honda. By then talen will love to drive and those without cars will have enough to buy one ..haha..Left 4 dead still can play online with me mah. I think u all will probably miss my organizing of buffets and perhaps Christmas gifts lor. Haha..easily replaceable la no worries. My tisiao lor..haha and my smelly shirt when I play soccer..lihai boh.. I will skin the Aussies with that when playing soccer there.
I dun foresee anyone getting married within a short span unless of course tiao kias. When IR opens pls bar the appropriate members from entering. I dun wan to receive a call in the middle of the night in Brisbane asking for telegraphic transfer to save someone’s butt halfway round the world.
That’s about it. Those starting work I pray that you’ll find one that you truly enjoy and not one that you toil for that attractive salary which you will spend eventually on healthcare 20 years down the road coz of the stress and unhappiness accumulated over the years.
For those studying to obviously try your best and not have any regrets! If all goes well come here lor.. yi qi liao lor!~~ for those emo, you and I both know there is no one who can help u, temporarily perhaps, but for a perm fix, refer to paragraphs 5 to 6.
So farewell ppl, as I begin my exciting new chapter of my life, I really wish u guys will have the courage to do the same or even join me. I leave with many fond memories of you guys. Come to think of it, its not such a big deal. We are so connected through the internet, u guys are just 7 hrs away from visiting me. Just treat it as I’m going into a 2 yr long hibernation period with an option to extend.
My wish before I leave is that you guys will constantly update this blog with pictures or anything! Just a simple one liner or something everyday will mean a lot to me so at least I feel connected to you guys. Just update me on ur lives or kips or anything at all! Best if u guys can upload the goal of the week like BPL during the weekly soccer sessions. Boh la kong qiu.
I feel truly blessed and grateful for the people in my life.
May God bless each and everyone of you.
I leave you with this phrase from the bible as I hope you guys will remember whenever you all meet up to encourage each other and not speak ill of others and put them down. It speaks of love generally but in this case brotherly and sisterly love between friends:
1 Corinthians 13:4
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God bless,
alvin
13/07/2009
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Long Time Coming
I know its been barely hours since you guys gave me the keys to the golden gates of laosipkong and there will be laughter and bemusement over my haste in posting here, but I think it is a post long overdue.
All the recent reminiscing has been a strong reminder of how long we’ve all known each other, especially all the secondary school stuff brought up by Alvin and Kumar at Jalan Kayu some nights back, on our post-L4D jaunt. The amazing thing is the presence of elements of our personalities that have somehow persisted through time. Equally amazing is the centrality which our long friendship has played in my life, whether you guys were around or not. Our time together now is testimony to that.
Of course, I have disappeared for periods of time and missed out on lots of fun, (like Drogspa’s spa-cial) but it has been a poignant return for me, with all the time we’ve spent together recently and with Alvin off soon to pursue his future. I wish you the best and I hope that any bad experience you have had so far in life is only a counter-balance to all the good things that will now come your way. You will definitely be missed. (No more tandem biking/ kayak sharing/ shoe shopping/drag racing!)
Tonight was our record-setting 4 car convoy and yes, I drove like a maniac (sorry kumar and mendi!). I think its been a long time since I let myself off my leash and feel the adrenaline of running forward and not looking back. Its been a long time since I’ve hung out with GMH like this and I hope its not the last. I’m lucky to have all you guys as friends, honestly.
It hasn’t been a smooth ride for me lately, but GMH has been the base trend-line to my ups and downs, and the regression that must meet every digression. For months, I have been grappling with a well of sadness which I couldn't release and a deep-rooted aggression I could not control. Rest assured, I sought help and I hope the worst is now over. It is a strange time in my life that you guys have reappeared, in my moment of helplessness.
I will always remember that you guys were here for me for each for the times I’ve fallen and bruised myself. Especially Kumar, who had to listen to two rounds of my endless post-traumatic babbling and yet be able to offer some rationality and Alvin for the support, di siao and that talk on the drive back home. There are few people who understand me like you guys. Of course, not forgetting all the rest of you guys, with your di siao-ing and kip huip spotting. I know that in time, I will pick myself up again and regain that inner strength I had taken for granted.
This is my post for now, and I will hope to contribute more. Thanks guys, for the great times and the brother-hood!
Ang Heng
All the recent reminiscing has been a strong reminder of how long we’ve all known each other, especially all the secondary school stuff brought up by Alvin and Kumar at Jalan Kayu some nights back, on our post-L4D jaunt. The amazing thing is the presence of elements of our personalities that have somehow persisted through time. Equally amazing is the centrality which our long friendship has played in my life, whether you guys were around or not. Our time together now is testimony to that.
Of course, I have disappeared for periods of time and missed out on lots of fun, (like Drogspa’s spa-cial) but it has been a poignant return for me, with all the time we’ve spent together recently and with Alvin off soon to pursue his future. I wish you the best and I hope that any bad experience you have had so far in life is only a counter-balance to all the good things that will now come your way. You will definitely be missed. (No more tandem biking/ kayak sharing/ shoe shopping/drag racing!)
Tonight was our record-setting 4 car convoy and yes, I drove like a maniac (sorry kumar and mendi!). I think its been a long time since I let myself off my leash and feel the adrenaline of running forward and not looking back. Its been a long time since I’ve hung out with GMH like this and I hope its not the last. I’m lucky to have all you guys as friends, honestly.
It hasn’t been a smooth ride for me lately, but GMH has been the base trend-line to my ups and downs, and the regression that must meet every digression. For months, I have been grappling with a well of sadness which I couldn't release and a deep-rooted aggression I could not control. Rest assured, I sought help and I hope the worst is now over. It is a strange time in my life that you guys have reappeared, in my moment of helplessness.
I will always remember that you guys were here for me for each for the times I’ve fallen and bruised myself. Especially Kumar, who had to listen to two rounds of my endless post-traumatic babbling and yet be able to offer some rationality and Alvin for the support, di siao and that talk on the drive back home. There are few people who understand me like you guys. Of course, not forgetting all the rest of you guys, with your di siao-ing and kip huip spotting. I know that in time, I will pick myself up again and regain that inner strength I had taken for granted.
This is my post for now, and I will hope to contribute more. Thanks guys, for the great times and the brother-hood!
Ang Heng
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Breaking Point...
It has been a long time since I wrote something here. I really should be writing something nice and happy since i have graduated and gone overseas.
But what has been haunting me are the mere fact that I am still unemployed.
Frustrated... and worse, is the fact that I have to face my parents every single day...
Every single day pass by and the same kind of thoughts still haunts me…
Should I or should I not work for my parents?
Am I not a good son if I do not help them, especially right now, in these difficult times.
Really hate the fact that I am a graduate now… Felt like such a failure.
Up till now I still do not know what the right decision is.
I can come up with a few reasons for why I should work for them. But I can also come up with a 101 reasons why I should not.
I hope I can rewind a few years back so that I can plan my studies better and not graduate at this freaking time.
And at times, the frustration level hits a breaking point and the thought of “leaving everything behind” comes back.
F************ financial crisis….
Blackburn
But what has been haunting me are the mere fact that I am still unemployed.
Frustrated... and worse, is the fact that I have to face my parents every single day...
Every single day pass by and the same kind of thoughts still haunts me…
Should I or should I not work for my parents?
Am I not a good son if I do not help them, especially right now, in these difficult times.
Really hate the fact that I am a graduate now… Felt like such a failure.
Up till now I still do not know what the right decision is.
I can come up with a few reasons for why I should work for them. But I can also come up with a 101 reasons why I should not.
I hope I can rewind a few years back so that I can plan my studies better and not graduate at this freaking time.
And at times, the frustration level hits a breaking point and the thought of “leaving everything behind” comes back.
F************ financial crisis….
Blackburn
Friday, May 15, 2009
educational video
stumbled across this ground-breaking educational video.. more vids here..
http://laozhabor.blogspot.com/
god bless,
alonso
http://laozhabor.blogspot.com/
god bless,
alonso
Friday, April 17, 2009
bANDERSONics!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Life's tough, but...
Hi,
Life has never been easy.
I don’t know if I should be happy. In 2 weeks time, I’ll be graduating. But I’ll also become one of the unemployed in the streets.
Furthermore with my own family problems, things can never be easy.
Being the only son, I feel the burden on me. I still can handle it now. But in years to come, I don’t know if I could.
On the bright side, I seem like I really have matured.
All in all, let me get a job first. One that I love to do.
Oh and FYI... I am considering going overseas to work again.
There was this guy that said this to me before, “Blackburn, Singapore is too small for me.”
Maybe I should really consider venturing OOS.
It is a good thing I am single at the moment.
Blackburn
Life has never been easy.
I don’t know if I should be happy. In 2 weeks time, I’ll be graduating. But I’ll also become one of the unemployed in the streets.
Furthermore with my own family problems, things can never be easy.
Being the only son, I feel the burden on me. I still can handle it now. But in years to come, I don’t know if I could.
On the bright side, I seem like I really have matured.
All in all, let me get a job first. One that I love to do.
Oh and FYI... I am considering going overseas to work again.
There was this guy that said this to me before, “Blackburn, Singapore is too small for me.”
Maybe I should really consider venturing OOS.
It is a good thing I am single at the moment.
Blackburn
Sunday, April 05, 2009
BAREFOOTED STREET SOCCER!!
Not too sure abt you guys, but i kinda enjoyed today's impromptu street soccer session! Well, except the 2 huge blisters on my two big toes =( And more so that most of the clique were there=) You guys really look very cuuuuuttteeeee playing barefooted, machiam secondary school kids. haha! Thanks FMUS2 and Talen for organising today's session. Looking forward to next week's session already, as always!
BINGTAI VS BENNY
MENDI SCRATCHING HIS A**LOL!
FINDING HAPPINESS IN THE MIDST OF A KANGTAO=)
MY TEAM WAITING TO MAKE OUR PRESENCE FELT.
AH ENG ORHH...AH ENGGG...
BAREFOOTED WEEKEND WARRIORS*amendi*
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